Posts
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Klaus Härö's movie "Letters to Father Jacob"
Have been to movies with DH. We saw Klaus Härö's film "Postia pappi Jaakobille" ("Letters to Father Jacob" - I am not sure of the English translation of the name). It was a very touching movie about caring, and the roles of the helper, and the one in need of help, and how they may turn upside down. I liked it really a lot.
A Finnish description of the film, and a trailer, on
http://www.nordiskfilm.fi/valkokangas/minisite.php?id=2036
A Finnish description of the film, and a trailer, on
http://www.nordiskfilm.fi/valkokangas/minisite.php?id=2036
Adventuring in flea markets
I had an amount of glassware after my late brother but I had nowhere to put them. Also we are living on a budget like all families with children are. I wanted to have a place for the glassware but not really invest in it. Anyway, I am a beauty-lover and since I have realized that I suffer from allodynia pain and feel much better if the surroundings look better too, it matters what kind of things I have around me. I did not find anything near my work place. But 100 km north from us there is a town which has a rich sortiment of flea markets, and my DH took a list of them and came with me to do the driving and carrying and to help me find a place for all those glasses, cups, vases, chandeliers and whatever. We spent yesterday searching in the flea markets and finally went back to where we had already been... and there is was. It was even unused. And beautiful. At home I washed all the glassware by hand, cleaned the glass cabin and my daughter organized the glasses in the cabin. I was surprised when everything fit in! I have never had a glass cabin before and I love it. Clean, polished glassware looks really beautiful! - Now our own beautiful glassware is still hidden in wooden cabins. Wonder when I could get also that on show as beautifully as my late brother's glassware?
You guessed it. I love beautiful glass and porcellain, and I have lots of it. LOL
Flea markets were interesting places to go through and watch all the items there. There were beautiful antique pieces, everything between sky and earth... I enjoyed the trip though it was very time-consuming! Today I have had lots of problems with asthma, perhaps due to all dust I inhaled yesterday. Hope it will get better till tomorrow!
You guessed it. I love beautiful glass and porcellain, and I have lots of it. LOL
Flea markets were interesting places to go through and watch all the items there. There were beautiful antique pieces, everything between sky and earth... I enjoyed the trip though it was very time-consuming! Today I have had lots of problems with asthma, perhaps due to all dust I inhaled yesterday. Hope it will get better till tomorrow!
Getting rid of Lyrica
Lyrica did not suit me. I have asthma and it caused asthma symptoms to get so much worse that I had to start cutting down on Lyrica. Lyrica was helpful though, as long as it lasted. It hit where the pain was, although not even that could completely free me from pain - but life was so much easier - as long as it was just that. Now I have been cutting down, first from 2 x 300 mg to 2 x 150 mg, and again from that to 2 x 75 mg and now that amount is not helping so much anymore. Asthma symptoms have easened remarkably, and I feel really a lot better. But I am 20 kg heavier than I was before Lyrica - though I am now putting off weight, the first 4 kg is gone which feels good but is not nearly enough. I think though that the more I cut down on Lyrica - and the next move, after a month maybe, will perhaps be getting totally rid of it - the more I find the natural feel of how much I need to eat, and following what I feel makes me put off weight. So far it has been that easy. That natural feeling was completely confused with Lyrica.
Was to see my doctor this week. She wanted to have a cardiologist consultation, so I made an appointment - but it will be just in the middle of October. Other than worrying herself about my heart and being horrified of the weight gain (for reason, true - I am too) she sent me to routine blood tests due to diabetes. There really is a mix of health issues to deal with. I am seeing the asthma specialist on Sept. 30th. I sometimes wish all those specialists would once sit together round the table but no - I am going with all the information from one to another.
My doctor also wanted to try Cymbalta, but I am now at first using 2 x 75 mg Lyrica to get used to the reduced amount of it before taking the first minimun dose of Cymbalta. That is because I don't remember if she told me to do so or not, so I'd like to make sure no harm is done. I hate trying new meds. I feel scared when I read in the leaflet that it may cause suicidal thoughts and tendency to suicide. I am not the least suicidal or depressed or anything but I was once on medication that was then drawn from the market due to causing suicidal behavior, and I stopped using it at once - and first then realized that I had had day dreams of just walking till I get away from this all... what this all? There is really nothing to complain with my life, other than being ill this way and that way. So getting those thoughts is scary. What if I'd have used the med longer? Thanks God I was not.
Cymbalta is affecting the central nervous system, like Lyrica is too. It is mostly used for diabetics to help in neuropathic pain caused by diabetes. As far as I know, I don't have neuropathic pain yet. Anyway it has proved to be effective in helping some fibromyalgia patients with their fibro pain too. It is NOT known to worsen asthma symptoms.
I wonder if anyone has experiences of life, and fibromyalgia, with Cymbalta? I'd like to know how it has felt, and how it has worked.
Living with a disease which is placed in the central nervous system is scary. The disease in itself is scary because it can do so much harm and cause such immense pain although it does not actually destroy muscles or joints. What is even more scary is the effect it has on brain gray mass (diminishes it) and the awful moments of fibro fog, or SMOG like someone said. But also using meds that affect the central nervous system is scary. And once you start something, it takes TIME to cut down on it. It does not make you dependent, at least Lyrica did not, I just cut it down after instructions and there are no feelings of wanting to have it back or not coping... the only thing it causes is added pain of course, and stiffness which is as bad.
Trying to minimize the amount of medicine I take daily, especially those that affect the central nervous system, I asked my doctor if I could use just 10 mg amitriptyline instead of 25 mg and she agreed. The health insurance does not pay for this "smaller" pill which sounds funny. It did pay for 25 mg pill.
I have to observe myself closely when starting with the new med, Cymbalta. Usually the side effects in me increase gradually and are obvious first after a longer period of use, which makes observing a demanding task.
Was to see my doctor this week. She wanted to have a cardiologist consultation, so I made an appointment - but it will be just in the middle of October. Other than worrying herself about my heart and being horrified of the weight gain (for reason, true - I am too) she sent me to routine blood tests due to diabetes. There really is a mix of health issues to deal with. I am seeing the asthma specialist on Sept. 30th. I sometimes wish all those specialists would once sit together round the table but no - I am going with all the information from one to another.
My doctor also wanted to try Cymbalta, but I am now at first using 2 x 75 mg Lyrica to get used to the reduced amount of it before taking the first minimun dose of Cymbalta. That is because I don't remember if she told me to do so or not, so I'd like to make sure no harm is done. I hate trying new meds. I feel scared when I read in the leaflet that it may cause suicidal thoughts and tendency to suicide. I am not the least suicidal or depressed or anything but I was once on medication that was then drawn from the market due to causing suicidal behavior, and I stopped using it at once - and first then realized that I had had day dreams of just walking till I get away from this all... what this all? There is really nothing to complain with my life, other than being ill this way and that way. So getting those thoughts is scary. What if I'd have used the med longer? Thanks God I was not.
Cymbalta is affecting the central nervous system, like Lyrica is too. It is mostly used for diabetics to help in neuropathic pain caused by diabetes. As far as I know, I don't have neuropathic pain yet. Anyway it has proved to be effective in helping some fibromyalgia patients with their fibro pain too. It is NOT known to worsen asthma symptoms.
I wonder if anyone has experiences of life, and fibromyalgia, with Cymbalta? I'd like to know how it has felt, and how it has worked.
Living with a disease which is placed in the central nervous system is scary. The disease in itself is scary because it can do so much harm and cause such immense pain although it does not actually destroy muscles or joints. What is even more scary is the effect it has on brain gray mass (diminishes it) and the awful moments of fibro fog, or SMOG like someone said. But also using meds that affect the central nervous system is scary. And once you start something, it takes TIME to cut down on it. It does not make you dependent, at least Lyrica did not, I just cut it down after instructions and there are no feelings of wanting to have it back or not coping... the only thing it causes is added pain of course, and stiffness which is as bad.
Trying to minimize the amount of medicine I take daily, especially those that affect the central nervous system, I asked my doctor if I could use just 10 mg amitriptyline instead of 25 mg and she agreed. The health insurance does not pay for this "smaller" pill which sounds funny. It did pay for 25 mg pill.
I have to observe myself closely when starting with the new med, Cymbalta. Usually the side effects in me increase gradually and are obvious first after a longer period of use, which makes observing a demanding task.
Heartfelt welcome!
Hi! I saw new followers today and want to wish you welcome! Hope we can share our experiences through blogs. Lately, blogs from other "Fibromites" have been really helpful and supportive to me, as well as all your comments!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
A weekend filled with unnecessary deaths
I have been struggling to get off
a medication that has been causing my asthma problems or at least the
most part of them. Unfortunately, it is the medication that has helped
me keep going, kept the pains in a tolerable level and the awful
stiffness likewise. Quitting medication is no bigger problem - though
now that I have cut it in half I don't know how to go on and I have to
consult my doctor (I have an appointment on Tuesday). Anyway the level
of pain and other inconvenience which has followed is an issue to be
dealt with. I must find a way to live with it.
We have done some heavy gardening today - heavy to my level, which is
not necessarily so to other people. There was a mess in one corner of
the garden which was anyway the almost only proper place to plant
Magdalena's berry bushes that she wished for her name day. We have
been getting rid of the mess by all possible means and tools, also by
tearing it away by hand. Then digging, taking away the old soil,
bringing new, planting the bushes which so far are really tiny - and
then, after all this was done, we still had to build a fence to
prohibit rabbits from eating up the plants the coming night. - There
was broken glass in the mess too, and whenever I pulled away a weed,
under it lay glass, which I had to pick away too. We have also cut
away raspberry bushes that had spread in places where they should not
grow... mowed the lawn... and all that done, I have been aching and
getting all the more stiff all evening. It feels awful. Nowadays, when
I want to get something done, I cannot just go and do it like I did
before, I have to engage others to do that with me or it will never
get done. I cannot move those compost bags which we buy from the
store. And there was a time when I could even lift them up to the car.
I cannot believe it now.
I had to go to lift money. Venla had been working at home for one day
to earn money for charity. Magdalena needed money to subscribe a
magazine via school.
I have free tomorrow. I will try to climb to the Wolf Mountain if I
recover from today's work. I have not been there for once this summer.
Yesterday we celebrated Venla's birthday. Her godmother paid us a
visit. It was a nice afternoon with her. I have been irritated because
ever since she moved away from her husband after having applied for a
divorce (several years ago) she has not given any proper address, and
we have not visited her more than once in her new male friend's summer
cottage. Now I asked her where she lives. She said they live in that
summer cottage. And that it is small, and filled with stuff, and she
described it... I know since I have been there... and the rest, I can
imagine... they both have addresses to their work places because that
cottage has no address. .. she said she has been so sad not being able
to have anyone over... okay now I must decide once again never to get
irritated on people I know well, no matter what, because there most
likely always is an explanation. It is amazing how we don't know
things, not even about our friends... anyway I am happy she can visit
us every now and then. I hope their housing problem can be solved
soon.
That is about all the news now I think. The subject line refers to
unusually many unnecessary deaths that have taken place in Finland
over the week-end. More than 10 people have died in traffic accidents
and shootings, a few have drowned and one has died in a diving
accident. Really sad news. Also, 35 % of all people who die in traffic
accidents are between 15 and 18 of age. You can almost call it a lost
generation.
a medication that has been causing my asthma problems or at least the
most part of them. Unfortunately, it is the medication that has helped
me keep going, kept the pains in a tolerable level and the awful
stiffness likewise. Quitting medication is no bigger problem - though
now that I have cut it in half I don't know how to go on and I have to
consult my doctor (I have an appointment on Tuesday). Anyway the level
of pain and other inconvenience which has followed is an issue to be
dealt with. I must find a way to live with it.
We have done some heavy gardening today - heavy to my level, which is
not necessarily so to other people. There was a mess in one corner of
the garden which was anyway the almost only proper place to plant
Magdalena's berry bushes that she wished for her name day. We have
been getting rid of the mess by all possible means and tools, also by
tearing it away by hand. Then digging, taking away the old soil,
bringing new, planting the bushes which so far are really tiny - and
then, after all this was done, we still had to build a fence to
prohibit rabbits from eating up the plants the coming night. - There
was broken glass in the mess too, and whenever I pulled away a weed,
under it lay glass, which I had to pick away too. We have also cut
away raspberry bushes that had spread in places where they should not
grow... mowed the lawn... and all that done, I have been aching and
getting all the more stiff all evening. It feels awful. Nowadays, when
I want to get something done, I cannot just go and do it like I did
before, I have to engage others to do that with me or it will never
get done. I cannot move those compost bags which we buy from the
store. And there was a time when I could even lift them up to the car.
I cannot believe it now.
I had to go to lift money. Venla had been working at home for one day
to earn money for charity. Magdalena needed money to subscribe a
magazine via school.
I have free tomorrow. I will try to climb to the Wolf Mountain if I
recover from today's work. I have not been there for once this summer.
Yesterday we celebrated Venla's birthday. Her godmother paid us a
visit. It was a nice afternoon with her. I have been irritated because
ever since she moved away from her husband after having applied for a
divorce (several years ago) she has not given any proper address, and
we have not visited her more than once in her new male friend's summer
cottage. Now I asked her where she lives. She said they live in that
summer cottage. And that it is small, and filled with stuff, and she
described it... I know since I have been there... and the rest, I can
imagine... they both have addresses to their work places because that
cottage has no address. .. she said she has been so sad not being able
to have anyone over... okay now I must decide once again never to get
irritated on people I know well, no matter what, because there most
likely always is an explanation. It is amazing how we don't know
things, not even about our friends... anyway I am happy she can visit
us every now and then. I hope their housing problem can be solved
soon.
That is about all the news now I think. The subject line refers to
unusually many unnecessary deaths that have taken place in Finland
over the week-end. More than 10 people have died in traffic accidents
and shootings, a few have drowned and one has died in a diving
accident. Really sad news. Also, 35 % of all people who die in traffic
accidents are between 15 and 18 of age. You can almost call it a lost
generation.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Allodynia - hard-to-understand type of fibro pain
http://chronicfatigue.about.com/b/2009/09/07/fibromyalgia-pain-allodynia.htm
It is a useful article that brings up a type of fibromyalgia pain that most of us feel but which is almost impossible to explain to anyone.
I am myself especially sensitive to sounds and lights, they can really drag my nerves in pieces... often a flare also means increased sensitivity (read:pain) caused by just whatever clothes I am wearing. That is quite impossible to even ease - you have to wear something anyway, right? But the feeling can be intolerable. Visual chaos is also something that is causing physical pain - even I have till now thought that I am just naggy when I talk about the importance of beauty - f.ex. at home. What makes it sound complete idiotisn is that I myself cannot do as much as would be needed to accomplish that level of tidiness and organization which I would need.
I have been carrying out carloads of things that we don't need but that are lying around and filling up space. It feels nearest desperate, it feels it never ends but I think it is starting to be seen here, by and by. I am grateful of the efforts of the family members too. They are doing a great deal - although they cannot understand how it can be possible that I suffer so much for such minor things.
I have had many friends with whom I contact by online chat. Nowadays I feel like I don't want to chat online anymore. I don't exactly know what bothers me in it, but I have a strong feeling that there is something that is too much for me. Someone would say that fibromyalgia is robbing yet another area in my life that I have enjoyed. Maybe it is so. I just know that for now, I keep my status invisible and although I see people there whose company I enjoy, I don't give any sign of life. Those who are very close I can talk to, one at a time. I don't think it will be so forever but for now it is and I am astonished by the feeling that I don't even want it back.
Today I am grateful of this quiet day at home - I have a wrting-day, articles to be written at work, so I am staying at home where I have the peace to write them. Already mailed away the first article, one or two to be written still.
It is a useful article that brings up a type of fibromyalgia pain that most of us feel but which is almost impossible to explain to anyone.
I am myself especially sensitive to sounds and lights, they can really drag my nerves in pieces... often a flare also means increased sensitivity (read:pain) caused by just whatever clothes I am wearing. That is quite impossible to even ease - you have to wear something anyway, right? But the feeling can be intolerable. Visual chaos is also something that is causing physical pain - even I have till now thought that I am just naggy when I talk about the importance of beauty - f.ex. at home. What makes it sound complete idiotisn is that I myself cannot do as much as would be needed to accomplish that level of tidiness and organization which I would need.
I have been carrying out carloads of things that we don't need but that are lying around and filling up space. It feels nearest desperate, it feels it never ends but I think it is starting to be seen here, by and by. I am grateful of the efforts of the family members too. They are doing a great deal - although they cannot understand how it can be possible that I suffer so much for such minor things.
I have had many friends with whom I contact by online chat. Nowadays I feel like I don't want to chat online anymore. I don't exactly know what bothers me in it, but I have a strong feeling that there is something that is too much for me. Someone would say that fibromyalgia is robbing yet another area in my life that I have enjoyed. Maybe it is so. I just know that for now, I keep my status invisible and although I see people there whose company I enjoy, I don't give any sign of life. Those who are very close I can talk to, one at a time. I don't think it will be so forever but for now it is and I am astonished by the feeling that I don't even want it back.
Today I am grateful of this quiet day at home - I have a wrting-day, articles to be written at work, so I am staying at home where I have the peace to write them. Already mailed away the first article, one or two to be written still.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Read Sarah's Fibro Poem
Read Sarah's fibro poem on http://sarahbear9708.blogspot.com/
It is a wonderful poem, it tells what we all so oftern want to say and what so many needs to know! Thanks Sarah for sharing it!
It is a wonderful poem, it tells what we all so oftern want to say and what so many needs to know! Thanks Sarah for sharing it!
Knocked out by pain
Awful night. I am just waiting for that I will be knocked unconscious by the pain. I will, soon, because I cannot stand this out.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Severe flare
I have been back to work this week. It was a complete chaos there. It seems no one of my employees can behave if I am not there and it feels hard. Both that work full time had created enough problems... I try to see it is their problems, and not to involve myself. Still it was hard to bear, mentally.
Today is Saturday, it is week-end and I have been counting days to it. It has been an awful day. I was yelling all around (haha, I can't behave either) and did not know why, until I started to get achy and stiff... Have been rebooting the washing machine all day and there is no end to it in sight. Did some minor organizing and dusting and a lot of folding laundry... and now I am so much in pain that it is unbearable. My God... I did not remember it was like this. I have been too busy or too exhausted to post anything on my blog this past week although there'd have been lots of positive things to post - and now it is like this, I have only negative things to tell.
Something like a miracle happened too. I got a phone call from my mother, she told me to call someone who was worried about my late brother's house being torn by vandalists. I did call him, and he asked if he could go and fix the door which has been damaged, and even more - if his son could go and cut the grass that was growing wild there, definitely showing everyone that the place was not inhabited. What was even more, he said he'd be interested in buying it. It is amazing. It is not even for sale yet, and we already have two potential buyers interested in it. Because another person is too. She has been fooling me though, not giving the right information about things, hiding this and that and not keeping what has been agreed upon... I don't like such behavior. She thinks that because I am not from the area, she can tell me what she pleases. Last time she tried to make me believe that no one else would be interested in the house, that it would not be so very expensive because of the neighbors (!) - well I know something else. Also my instinct has been right about her all the time, I can see it now.
Last Sunday at church, all the texts were about healing. It was very comforting. Also a sister said, almost a year ago, that I needed not worry about finances, according to my late brother's belongings, that God already had a solution. Now I see light, for the first time after his death. Maybe it is not so hopeless anyway. That sister was sure of a solution after she had praid. She was a total stranger to me but I remember this.
By dinner, I took all the pain killers I had. Now it is starting to feel a bit easier. I hope there will be a relief tonight. It was starting to feel so bad that I was not sure if I could make it. I have been really off the rail today. It is not a good feeling.
I am sorry it is so dark today for me. I hope and believe you are having it easier.
Today is Saturday, it is week-end and I have been counting days to it. It has been an awful day. I was yelling all around (haha, I can't behave either) and did not know why, until I started to get achy and stiff... Have been rebooting the washing machine all day and there is no end to it in sight. Did some minor organizing and dusting and a lot of folding laundry... and now I am so much in pain that it is unbearable. My God... I did not remember it was like this. I have been too busy or too exhausted to post anything on my blog this past week although there'd have been lots of positive things to post - and now it is like this, I have only negative things to tell.
Something like a miracle happened too. I got a phone call from my mother, she told me to call someone who was worried about my late brother's house being torn by vandalists. I did call him, and he asked if he could go and fix the door which has been damaged, and even more - if his son could go and cut the grass that was growing wild there, definitely showing everyone that the place was not inhabited. What was even more, he said he'd be interested in buying it. It is amazing. It is not even for sale yet, and we already have two potential buyers interested in it. Because another person is too. She has been fooling me though, not giving the right information about things, hiding this and that and not keeping what has been agreed upon... I don't like such behavior. She thinks that because I am not from the area, she can tell me what she pleases. Last time she tried to make me believe that no one else would be interested in the house, that it would not be so very expensive because of the neighbors (!) - well I know something else. Also my instinct has been right about her all the time, I can see it now.
Last Sunday at church, all the texts were about healing. It was very comforting. Also a sister said, almost a year ago, that I needed not worry about finances, according to my late brother's belongings, that God already had a solution. Now I see light, for the first time after his death. Maybe it is not so hopeless anyway. That sister was sure of a solution after she had praid. She was a total stranger to me but I remember this.
By dinner, I took all the pain killers I had. Now it is starting to feel a bit easier. I hope there will be a relief tonight. It was starting to feel so bad that I was not sure if I could make it. I have been really off the rail today. It is not a good feeling.
I am sorry it is so dark today for me. I hope and believe you are having it easier.
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