Collapsed

I think I sort of collapsed this morning when driving to work. There is so much going on now, everywhere, and the last days have been chaotic - and I am happy there is my own family and some good friends too... because work is a madhouse. Someone has unbound the devil and let it harrass here quite freely so it feels... there are police investigations, people fighting each other, newspapers running here, and writing something about it each and every day...  and everything is in a mess....  for months, and months, I have struggled to keep going in spite of the even worse situation all around me though I feel it is all tearing even me apart... I have tried to concentrate in my own work and do just that and leave everything else but lately when things have been taking the wrong course even in my field due to that devil messing freely all around, I have had to take action and at times I feel that  I am head over heels diving into it too...  anyway I just, like, got all which is going on in all these  fields or branches and all the evilness and all emotions connected to it, like poured on me - it was an overwhelming feeling ... added with everything good that is going on too ... and I just felt like crying over it alltogether. I can't really even explain it all. But it is so at work nowadays that I feel I have to use all my mental capacity to balance between everything - my tasks, and the overall situation - my intentions, and the whole ship having no course at all - my devotion and love to my work and the hatred there is all around which seems to pull everything to trash... this prostitution of democracy which is culminating into mutual accusations... this awful parody of caring about the municipality and its people... I have never seen anything like this. I cannot describe it in any other way than that it is the devil having been unbound. There is no dignity, nothing... just pure evilness. I'd  just like to cry out that I cannot stand it anymore... goodness, my CLIENTS come here and wonder how I have the strength to go on here and I get THEIR sympathy because of the situation...

 

Okey... I don't think I have been talking much about work this past year but it has been like this all the time. I thought it could not get worse but it has got a lot worse and I don't even see any end of it... and I am so ashamed too though it is not me and nothing has anything to do with me or my doings but anyway...

To whom it may concern: Happy Eid!

Happy Eid, all of you who are celebrating it!

Klaus Härö's movie "Letters to Father Jacob"

Have been to movies with DH. We saw Klaus Härö's film "Postia pappi Jaakobille" ("Letters to Father Jacob" - I am not sure of the English translation of the name). It was a very touching movie about caring, and the roles of the helper, and the one in need of help, and how they may turn upside down. I liked it really a lot.

A Finnish description of the film, and a trailer, on

http://www.nordiskfilm.fi/valkokangas/minisite.php?id=2036

Adventuring in flea markets

I had an amount of glassware after my late brother but I had nowhere to put them. Also we are living on a budget like all families with children are. I wanted to have a place for the glassware but not really invest in it. Anyway, I am a beauty-lover and since I have realized that I suffer from allodynia pain and feel much better if the surroundings look better too, it matters what kind of things I have around me. I did not find anything near my work place. But 100 km north from us there is a town which has a rich sortiment of flea markets, and my DH took a list of them and came with me to do the driving and carrying and to help me find a place for all those glasses, cups, vases, chandeliers and whatever. We spent yesterday searching in the flea markets and finally went back to where we had already been... and there is was. It was even unused. And beautiful. At home I washed all the glassware by hand, cleaned the glass cabin and my daughter organized the glasses in the cabin. I was surprised when everything fit in! I have never had a glass cabin before and I love it. Clean, polished glassware looks really beautiful! - Now our own beautiful glassware is still hidden in wooden cabins. Wonder when I could get also that on show as beautifully as my late brother's glassware?

You guessed it. I love beautiful glass and porcellain, and I have lots of it. LOL

Flea markets were interesting places to go through and watch all the items there. There were beautiful antique pieces, everything between sky and earth... I enjoyed the trip though it was very time-consuming! Today I have had lots of problems with asthma, perhaps due to all dust I inhaled yesterday. Hope it will get better till tomorrow!

Getting rid of Lyrica

Lyrica did not suit me. I have asthma and it caused asthma symptoms to get so much worse that I had to start cutting down on Lyrica. Lyrica was helpful though, as long as it lasted. It hit where the pain was, although not even that could completely free me from pain - but life was so much easier - as long as it was just that. Now I have been cutting down, first from 2 x 300 mg to 2 x 150 mg, and again from that to 2 x 75 mg and now that amount is not helping so much anymore. Asthma symptoms have easened remarkably, and I feel really a lot better. But I am 20 kg heavier than I was before Lyrica - though I am now putting off weight, the first 4 kg is gone which feels good but is not nearly enough. I think though that the more I cut down on Lyrica - and the next move, after a month maybe, will perhaps be getting totally rid of it - the more I find the natural feel of how much I need to eat, and following what I feel makes me put off weight. So far it has been that easy. That natural feeling was completely confused with Lyrica.

Was to see my doctor this week. She wanted to have a cardiologist consultation, so I made an appointment - but it will be just in the middle of October. Other than worrying herself about my heart and being horrified of the weight gain (for reason, true - I am too) she sent me to routine blood tests due to diabetes. There really is a mix of health issues to deal with. I am seeing the asthma specialist on Sept. 30th. I sometimes wish all those specialists would once sit together round the table but no - I am going with all the information from one to another.

My doctor also wanted to try Cymbalta, but I am now at first using 2 x 75 mg Lyrica to get used to the reduced amount of it before taking the first minimun dose of Cymbalta. That is because I don't remember if she told me to do so or not, so I'd like to make sure no harm is done. I hate trying new meds. I feel scared when I read in the leaflet that it may cause suicidal thoughts and tendency to suicide. I am not the least suicidal or depressed or anything but I was once on medication that was then drawn from the market due to causing suicidal behavior, and I stopped using it at once - and first then realized that I had had day dreams of just walking till I get away from this all... what this all? There is really nothing to complain with my life, other than being ill this way and that way. So getting those thoughts is scary. What if I'd have used the med longer? Thanks God I was not.

Cymbalta is affecting the central nervous system, like Lyrica is too. It is mostly used for diabetics to help in neuropathic pain caused by diabetes. As far as I know, I don't have neuropathic pain yet. Anyway it has proved to be effective in helping some fibromyalgia patients with their fibro pain too. It is NOT known to worsen asthma symptoms.

I wonder if anyone has experiences of life, and fibromyalgia, with Cymbalta? I'd like to know how it has felt, and how it has worked.

Living with a disease which is placed in the central nervous system is scary. The disease in itself is scary because it can do so much harm and cause such immense pain although it does not actually destroy muscles or joints. What is even more scary is the effect it has on brain gray mass (diminishes it) and the awful moments of fibro fog, or SMOG like someone said. But also using meds that affect the central nervous system is scary. And once you start something, it takes TIME to cut down on it. It does not make you dependent, at least Lyrica did not, I just cut it down after instructions and there are no feelings of wanting to have it back or not coping... the only thing it causes is added pain of course, and stiffness which is as bad.

Trying to minimize the amount of medicine I take daily, especially those that affect the central nervous system, I asked my doctor if I could use just 10 mg amitriptyline instead of 25 mg and she agreed. The health insurance does not pay for this "smaller" pill which sounds funny. It did pay for 25 mg pill.

I have to observe myself closely when starting with the new med, Cymbalta. Usually the side effects in me increase gradually and are obvious first after a longer period of use, which makes observing a demanding task.

Heartfelt welcome!

Hi! I saw new followers today and want to wish you welcome! Hope we can share our experiences through blogs. Lately, blogs from other "Fibromites" have been really helpful and supportive to me, as well as all your comments!