Posts
One of the medicines I use has been drawn from the market. I got a letter today from my pharmacy telling about it. Its risks were considered too big. I took the label of the medicine box to read about it, about the side effects, and there were only two: depression, and self-destructive behavior. Well - I have been down, maybe even depressed, at times, and I mentioned about it to my husband, wondering if it would have been a side effect of the medication. He said I have had enough in my life lately to cause depression. It felt wonderful somehow. That he said it, just like that - means that he has noticed it, and he is still here, by my side, not taking it as a big issue. At least I have told about my feelings to him when they have come. I have felt sometimes that I feel someone else's feelings - that I am so sad that I am not so sad really, that I cannot be so sad, not me. ALso when I felt I'd like just to go away, walk away till I disappear totally - it felt like it was not me. I am quitting the medication and I hope it will improve my mood too. Though it IS right that there have well been other reasons to feel upset and sad and depressed, or whatever.
I have a wonderful husband.
I feel I need a lot of sleep.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Reformation Day
Most Protestant Christians observe Reformation Day in honor of Martin Luther and other Christians who removed false doctrine and destructive practices from the Christian church.
This is the Day of Reformation. Here a few links to articles about Martin Luther, the Reformator of our Chrurch and belief:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther
http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/guestvoices/2008/10/oct_31_haunted_by_luthers_hope.html
http://www.luther.de/en/
http://www.pbs.org/empires/martinluther/
http://www.mb-soft.com/believe/txc/luther.htm
http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/wittenberg/wittenberg-luther.html
http://www.greatsite.com/timeline-english-bible-history/martin-luther.html
http://www.iep.utm.edu/l/luther.htm
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Stomach disease
Feel really weak and unsure due to stomach disease that has hit me today. Met wonderful handicraft people today at work, and talked to the lawyer who had not got any answer from the insurance company like I had not either. .... He will have the declaration made by tomorrow and I will have a meeting with him in the afternoon. Then we should head to mother's but I don't know about that really. Mother is ill, virus flu - I am not well - we will be tired to drive all night... I really don't know. The only reason to go is that there will be the memorial service to all who died this year, in the church to the graveyard of which my brother is buried. My God if I'd be able to make the right decision...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
After a long silence
It has been a long silence in writing. There were also some technical difficulties in posting recently, I could not get my posts published by any means.
I have had some very painful days here... but also good days. And days have been good... if I don't count the mess after my brother's death... I sometimes have the feeling that it will never end really... that I will live with it all my life... of course it is not so, and probably and most likely things are not as bad as I think... we'll see.
A friend of mine got inspired by the photos I had taken, and painted a few of them. One was especially wonderful, and it got sold from his home immediately. He said he had thought of giving it to me, and I joked that in that case he ends up painting a new one for me. I received it yesterday, together with a bottle of wine which has already become a joke between us - I did not believe he'd go to drink wine after Ramadan so he said he'd send me a bottle of it... it came yesterday, wrapped in the painting... a wonderful one... a marvelous one...
The painting may be inspired by the sunrise photos I had taken but it has nothing to do with them in that it is not a picture of a picture. There is that same color, orange, and then there is a terrace or something, very unfinished, like it would not be there at all in reality... an idea of it... and there are two spirals, orange ones, coming each from its side of the canvas, like reaching to each other but slightly bending aside before touching... and there is glow around these two spirals which actually look like some plants... I love this painting, I really do!
I have been to pool gym, I am happy I have got it done already for a few weeks in a row! Woow go me!
My youngest daughter has had her birthday, she is 11 now. There was lots of talk about her birth, she asked a lot of questions, again.
I started to study, at work, online, about some complicated formalities. I wish I will be wiser after the course is over! I have never attended online studying, it is a new experience. I have made my profile and gone through all mail that has been delivered till now, that is all so far. But I am thrilled! It feels great to study again!
Had a feeling about a friend of mine yesterday,that something was going on. I did not know what it was. Today I received a mail from her husband, telling she has been operated. So that was it. I pray the Lord that her disease will be gone now. Anyone of you others there who may read this, please pray for her too. She had cancer. Please pray for her complete recovery.
Last Sunday at church I suddenly realized something which has felt great ever since. We always pray for those who take care of governing and common things and such. I have always thought it is someone else. Last Sunday I realized that hey - it is me too - and my husband as well. What a HUGE thing that I am doing such a work that the entire church prays for me, and has always prayed for me, every Sunday! Thanks, Lord! How blessed and privileged I feel!
I feel that I have forgotten something but.. in case I have , there will be a new posting soon!
I have had some very painful days here... but also good days. And days have been good... if I don't count the mess after my brother's death... I sometimes have the feeling that it will never end really... that I will live with it all my life... of course it is not so, and probably and most likely things are not as bad as I think... we'll see.
A friend of mine got inspired by the photos I had taken, and painted a few of them. One was especially wonderful, and it got sold from his home immediately. He said he had thought of giving it to me, and I joked that in that case he ends up painting a new one for me. I received it yesterday, together with a bottle of wine which has already become a joke between us - I did not believe he'd go to drink wine after Ramadan so he said he'd send me a bottle of it... it came yesterday, wrapped in the painting... a wonderful one... a marvelous one...
The painting may be inspired by the sunrise photos I had taken but it has nothing to do with them in that it is not a picture of a picture. There is that same color, orange, and then there is a terrace or something, very unfinished, like it would not be there at all in reality... an idea of it... and there are two spirals, orange ones, coming each from its side of the canvas, like reaching to each other but slightly bending aside before touching... and there is glow around these two spirals which actually look like some plants... I love this painting, I really do!
I have been to pool gym, I am happy I have got it done already for a few weeks in a row! Woow go me!
My youngest daughter has had her birthday, she is 11 now. There was lots of talk about her birth, she asked a lot of questions, again.
I started to study, at work, online, about some complicated formalities. I wish I will be wiser after the course is over! I have never attended online studying, it is a new experience. I have made my profile and gone through all mail that has been delivered till now, that is all so far. But I am thrilled! It feels great to study again!
Had a feeling about a friend of mine yesterday,that something was going on. I did not know what it was. Today I received a mail from her husband, telling she has been operated. So that was it. I pray the Lord that her disease will be gone now. Anyone of you others there who may read this, please pray for her too. She had cancer. Please pray for her complete recovery.
Last Sunday at church I suddenly realized something which has felt great ever since. We always pray for those who take care of governing and common things and such. I have always thought it is someone else. Last Sunday I realized that hey - it is me too - and my husband as well. What a HUGE thing that I am doing such a work that the entire church prays for me, and has always prayed for me, every Sunday! Thanks, Lord! How blessed and privileged I feel!
I feel that I have forgotten something but.. in case I have , there will be a new posting soon!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday
I woke up three hours before the church time to be able to go to the church. Again darling husband is a great support as he comes with me so it is easier to get going. Anyway, as yesterday was a bad day (in that I was achy and stiff) and it was supposed to continue today, I had to take the medication in time to get going. And we got going in time! The sermon was about forgiving, reminding of important things like what we keep unforgiven here will be unforvine in heaven, and what we release as forgiven here will be forgiven in heaven - this just OBLIGES us to forgive EVERYTHING here on earth, and well... got an answer to what I reply to that cynical guy - I can love him as such - he may be cynical and if I get hurt sometimes - all right, there is that magic forgiving thing which makes me forget too. Thinking about the wonderful gift of forgiving that we have got - first received forgiving from God and then been blessed with the ability and obligation to forgive each other - has made me happy during the entire day. Smiling is a wonderful gift too.
There was a bee in church. I am terribly afraid of them - heard from one of my brother's friends that he was as insanely afraid of them as I am, which was something I did not know! - and with my luck it was really interested in me! Dear husband wifted it off, and luckily nothing happened, other than that everyone certainly noticed... The organist played a wonderful improvisation to finish the sermon, everyone was smiling if not even laughing after having heard that, the vicar included. Wonderful feeling of happiness and togetherness too! :)
After church I dedicated myself to folding and putting away the laundry. There was lots of it, and a lot of sheets too. I ended up organizing the linen wardrobe because it was messy. I folded many sheets with my son and it went ok, much easier than doing it all myself. Got also the wardrobe organized, and really all the laundry folded and put away.
The rest of the day I spent baking. This time, it all succeeded. It has been long since I baked the last time because with my new equipmewnt I just did not succeed, and I got frustrated.
My elder daughter has been washing laundry today, and also cleaning at home. The youngest organized the hall. And the son has been vacuuming, in the sauna, in the stairs... It feels good when everyone does his or her share.
Darling husband went shopping several times today - it is not a normal shopping day so finding a shop that is open demands some driving. He went anyway because I needed this and that for baking. I think I have a saint as a husband! He also cooked the dinner... we had it a bit crowded in the kitchen when everything was on the way but we managed!
Tomorrow morning I will go to the lawyer to have the declaration done - the one of my brother's. I don't know if it will be all right with one session, I hope it will but it is complicated. I must still do some preparations tonight, and it is getting late.
There was a bee in church. I am terribly afraid of them - heard from one of my brother's friends that he was as insanely afraid of them as I am, which was something I did not know! - and with my luck it was really interested in me! Dear husband wifted it off, and luckily nothing happened, other than that everyone certainly noticed... The organist played a wonderful improvisation to finish the sermon, everyone was smiling if not even laughing after having heard that, the vicar included. Wonderful feeling of happiness and togetherness too! :)
After church I dedicated myself to folding and putting away the laundry. There was lots of it, and a lot of sheets too. I ended up organizing the linen wardrobe because it was messy. I folded many sheets with my son and it went ok, much easier than doing it all myself. Got also the wardrobe organized, and really all the laundry folded and put away.
The rest of the day I spent baking. This time, it all succeeded. It has been long since I baked the last time because with my new equipmewnt I just did not succeed, and I got frustrated.
My elder daughter has been washing laundry today, and also cleaning at home. The youngest organized the hall. And the son has been vacuuming, in the sauna, in the stairs... It feels good when everyone does his or her share.
Darling husband went shopping several times today - it is not a normal shopping day so finding a shop that is open demands some driving. He went anyway because I needed this and that for baking. I think I have a saint as a husband! He also cooked the dinner... we had it a bit crowded in the kitchen when everything was on the way but we managed!
Tomorrow morning I will go to the lawyer to have the declaration done - the one of my brother's. I don't know if it will be all right with one session, I hope it will but it is complicated. I must still do some preparations tonight, and it is getting late.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Health issues, theatre
Friday
First thing in the morning, the elder daughter had appointment with her asthma nurse. She has had problems with asthma now during the autumn and she is on Singulair now, she has also been on Flixotide. Now the situation seems to be pretty good but it has been worse and we therefore contacted the nurse. She has already seen the local allrounder-doctor twice (hence the medication). She did the spirometer tests with normal results and got then the manual meter home to do the measurings here too - for one week if the results are okey, and for two weeks if not. She has been growing, she was about 2 cm taller than when the school nurse measured her a while ago. She has also been on a programme established by the school nurse, adding one new food each week to her diet. We think that is good but she is eating just minimum amounts. Anyway that is a start. But since her eating and somehow I think also speech was getting worse we were already considering contacting teh clinic that operated her throat - to make sure there would not be any renewal of the operation in question.
Then, I had my 50-year appointment with the district nurse. Blood sugar 4 (excellent), blood pressure first about 150 / 90 which was high but she said it would come down - and we waited and chatted and then it was measured again and it was 130 / 80 which was good too. What else? Hb yes. It has caused problems but it is not as hopeless anymore. now it was about a little bit over 120 which is acceptable. Shows not anything about the blood cell reserves which is the real problem though. But I am on treatment and although it takes time it will be all right - I hope! But there was a long period when nothing with my blood cells reacted with treatments. ANyway I am happy I don't have to go to the hospital for treatment. It would have harder side effects than those I may have now.
And then she took proofs for gynecological cancers but she said it looked perfectly clean. The results will arrive home. This is nothing to worry about though, it is routine.
All my vacccinations were ok so I got none. I have just finished a 3-shot series against Hepatite B - which I had to take separately because I had taken a series for Hepatite A already and now the other family received Hepatite A+B, a combination vaccin against both hepatites so I decided to take the B - so that I would have the same cover as the other family has. B is usually infected venerically so taking it was a bit embarrassing but the nurse who gave the 2nd shot said it can be received through blood transfusion too so I am in a great risk in case something happens because I am so soon in need of extra blood - because I have no reserves. That is why I have my health records with me when I drive the car. Husband wanted to have the family vaccinated for Hepatites before we went to Morocco - and next winter, God permitting, we will have a vacation in Tunisia - and one of the family is a diabetic who also needs better cover with vaccins.
What else happened yesterday?
We went to theatre with husband, he had organized the tickets. It is worth mentioning. There is no theatre in our home town so when we go to theatre it means driving 100 km back and forth - north, south or north-east. This time it was north. I enjoy going out with dear darling husband - he is so polite, considerate and kind. I feel really treated when he opens the doors for me, drives the car, gets the programme for me, escorts me in the stairs and all that... and when we go for a coffee before we drive home. Fantastic. I also enjoy wearing make-up and those jewelries he has given to me. And festive clothes too of course. And the theatre in itself - just so enjoyable!
Saturday
Today we went to vote in beforehand, the real voting day is next week sunday. We will not be here to vote then. It is the municipal election.
The youngest girl has problems with blood glucose, it just stays high and does not come down. Today she fell asleep on the sofa and frightened me to death, I thought she had hypoglycemia - but she was just sleeping. She then went to sleep in her own bed, after I ahd given her extra insulin - she slept 4 hours and now she has gone downstairs. It is possible that she has slept too little, it has become a battle to get kids to bed at night. Yesterday we came home at 11 p.m. and the girls were awake and had no intention to go to bed (but did as we told them to) - our son always sleeps well and long enough!
It is time for bed time routine - heels work because I have stayed in the bathroom long enough to actually DO all the cleaning and moisturizing I am worth! LOL!
Got a mail which was very cynical about things that I had revealed were important to me. It ahs made me think a lot about cynicism and what kind of an attitude it is towards life. With that kind of attitude you can destroy all enthusiasm and everything else too. Think of having a cynical guest over in your house. How long would you take that attitude: Yea of coourse that is some sort of food but..... yea you can of course call that a bed if you like... is this your idea of a family life (i just wonder but...) and so on. What destruction we spread around being cynical! What is the use of pointing out everything someone possibly has not done, or succeeded in, if there are things we can tell he or she has succeeded in, is good at, and so on? Why spread destruction when we can spread encouragement and happiness? I am not for cynicism, really not. I just wonder what to respond to him.
Today, we went for a walk with husband. Without him, I would not have dared go so long. I am afraid of my muscles getting frozen while I go and then I could not get back - having him with me gives me more confidence in myself. All went fine but I was terribly achy when we got back, muscles got frozen and they still are... now in the evening I took all possible pain killers in addition to Lyrica, again... I am sorry it is that way but I'd like to keep moving anyway...
First thing in the morning, the elder daughter had appointment with her asthma nurse. She has had problems with asthma now during the autumn and she is on Singulair now, she has also been on Flixotide. Now the situation seems to be pretty good but it has been worse and we therefore contacted the nurse. She has already seen the local allrounder-doctor twice (hence the medication). She did the spirometer tests with normal results and got then the manual meter home to do the measurings here too - for one week if the results are okey, and for two weeks if not. She has been growing, she was about 2 cm taller than when the school nurse measured her a while ago. She has also been on a programme established by the school nurse, adding one new food each week to her diet. We think that is good but she is eating just minimum amounts. Anyway that is a start. But since her eating and somehow I think also speech was getting worse we were already considering contacting teh clinic that operated her throat - to make sure there would not be any renewal of the operation in question.
Then, I had my 50-year appointment with the district nurse. Blood sugar 4 (excellent), blood pressure first about 150 / 90 which was high but she said it would come down - and we waited and chatted and then it was measured again and it was 130 / 80 which was good too. What else? Hb yes. It has caused problems but it is not as hopeless anymore. now it was about a little bit over 120 which is acceptable. Shows not anything about the blood cell reserves which is the real problem though. But I am on treatment and although it takes time it will be all right - I hope! But there was a long period when nothing with my blood cells reacted with treatments. ANyway I am happy I don't have to go to the hospital for treatment. It would have harder side effects than those I may have now.
And then she took proofs for gynecological cancers but she said it looked perfectly clean. The results will arrive home. This is nothing to worry about though, it is routine.
All my vacccinations were ok so I got none. I have just finished a 3-shot series against Hepatite B - which I had to take separately because I had taken a series for Hepatite A already and now the other family received Hepatite A+B, a combination vaccin against both hepatites so I decided to take the B - so that I would have the same cover as the other family has. B is usually infected venerically so taking it was a bit embarrassing but the nurse who gave the 2nd shot said it can be received through blood transfusion too so I am in a great risk in case something happens because I am so soon in need of extra blood - because I have no reserves. That is why I have my health records with me when I drive the car. Husband wanted to have the family vaccinated for Hepatites before we went to Morocco - and next winter, God permitting, we will have a vacation in Tunisia - and one of the family is a diabetic who also needs better cover with vaccins.
What else happened yesterday?
We went to theatre with husband, he had organized the tickets. It is worth mentioning. There is no theatre in our home town so when we go to theatre it means driving 100 km back and forth - north, south or north-east. This time it was north. I enjoy going out with dear darling husband - he is so polite, considerate and kind. I feel really treated when he opens the doors for me, drives the car, gets the programme for me, escorts me in the stairs and all that... and when we go for a coffee before we drive home. Fantastic. I also enjoy wearing make-up and those jewelries he has given to me. And festive clothes too of course. And the theatre in itself - just so enjoyable!
Saturday
Today we went to vote in beforehand, the real voting day is next week sunday. We will not be here to vote then. It is the municipal election.
The youngest girl has problems with blood glucose, it just stays high and does not come down. Today she fell asleep on the sofa and frightened me to death, I thought she had hypoglycemia - but she was just sleeping. She then went to sleep in her own bed, after I ahd given her extra insulin - she slept 4 hours and now she has gone downstairs. It is possible that she has slept too little, it has become a battle to get kids to bed at night. Yesterday we came home at 11 p.m. and the girls were awake and had no intention to go to bed (but did as we told them to) - our son always sleeps well and long enough!
It is time for bed time routine - heels work because I have stayed in the bathroom long enough to actually DO all the cleaning and moisturizing I am worth! LOL!
Got a mail which was very cynical about things that I had revealed were important to me. It ahs made me think a lot about cynicism and what kind of an attitude it is towards life. With that kind of attitude you can destroy all enthusiasm and everything else too. Think of having a cynical guest over in your house. How long would you take that attitude: Yea of coourse that is some sort of food but..... yea you can of course call that a bed if you like... is this your idea of a family life (i just wonder but...) and so on. What destruction we spread around being cynical! What is the use of pointing out everything someone possibly has not done, or succeeded in, if there are things we can tell he or she has succeeded in, is good at, and so on? Why spread destruction when we can spread encouragement and happiness? I am not for cynicism, really not. I just wonder what to respond to him.
Today, we went for a walk with husband. Without him, I would not have dared go so long. I am afraid of my muscles getting frozen while I go and then I could not get back - having him with me gives me more confidence in myself. All went fine but I was terribly achy when we got back, muscles got frozen and they still are... now in the evening I took all possible pain killers in addition to Lyrica, again... I am sorry it is that way but I'd like to keep moving anyway...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Pampering mission
Before bed, I must still tell about the pampering mission for the week, I have just read it from internet from a site of household tasks which I follow - or try to follow. The pampering mission for this week was to wear a nice night gown, or a beautiful one, or a romantic one, and some nice hair accessory too, and heels, when doing the evening routine - cleaning face and neck, moisturizing and doing everything else that means, "I am loving myself and taking good care of me". That had actually never occurred to me - that dressing beautifully and perhaps even wearing heels would make the difference but I think they do. I will try tonight, so maybe I can even get the moisturizing part done properly. Usually I quit. But why not take it as something I am worth, something I have time for, something I enjoy!
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