Sept 25th 2010 - Bad News, But Life Goes On!

Bad news, but life goes on!
by Ugri Fenno on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 3:21pm

I have been to the surgeon. She punctured the hard odd thing which appeared to be tissue fluid; now it is away and I feel easier, at least for the time being. She said it is perfectly normal to get it, so I haven't done anything wrong. Also the extra bleeding was perfectly normal, but all the blood had already been transported away by body's own declutterers.



Then there were not-so-good news too: Unlike previously supposed, the tumor is, or was, of a very aggressive sort, the worst of them all. Surgery had succeeded 100 % and they seem to think that was it - nothing else found in the breast, and not in the lymph nodes either, though only the two first lymph nodes were taken away and had a closer look at (the first where the vandering cancer cells would go to after having departed from the main tumor). It is still reasonable to suppose that although it was so very aggressive, it probably has not sent anything in other parts of the body. I feel healthy anyway - completely unlike prior to the surgery.



But no one really knows when it is cancer. I have been invited to the onchological policlinic in the central hospital to agree about the treatment plan. It will be chemotherapy first, then radial therapy, because this is much more serious than what it first seemed to be. The tumor is hormone negative, so (thanks God!) no hormone therapy will be needed. (Which means that it is also less easy to treat it of course.) But I have been told yesyerday that they are doing some research and that they are perhaps asking if I'd like to participate - which would mean still some more medication - but of this I don't know anything else yet.



So I didn't get a nice enemy, but the worst of them all. I realize I don't care for myself so much (though of course I'd love to stay alive!) but I will do all I can to be here as long as I can - because of my loved ones who mean everything to me.



I hope to remain happy and positive though - anyway, today I feel fine and I am very much alive - worries are for tomorrow. Just that it is time to start taking this beast seriously! :D



Today it feels that the tissue fluis is filling up again... I HATE IT! I REALLY DO! Puncturing does not even hurt or anything but I hate it still. WHY CANNOT IT JUST BEHAVE!!!!