Hair loss and new massacre Nov 5th, 2010

I am back home from the 2nd cytostate infusion. Web cam photo of course but I do look quite pale right now, a massacre going on in my body. Wanted to document that I still have my own hair although I have hair loss these days (it started yesterday) - still my hair was what all nurses came to comment on because I still have it! (I have substitutes too so I am prepared.) Used the ice cap even this time. It is supposed to prevent hair loss - works for some, doesn't work for others but does not harm and feels nice so I use it as long as it seems to be useful. Anyway, the first two weeks after the first treatment (with then ice cap on) I did not lose ONE SINGLE hair which is quite odd.



I was also told today that my eye lashes and eye brows are not going to lose, I am not going to get that medication which is driving all body hair away. Good; I was already wondering how I could make-up eye brows to which I have never done anything, and what would fake eye lashes look when fixed on with my shaky fingers - ? LOL



I took the early bus to Vaasa (113 km according to the bus fare ticket, 18, 40 €), and took a taxi back - but this time I feel a bit better and not so odd in my head than last time, that actually, I could have driven myself. But social security is paying, I pay only 9,25 € of the 140 something € taxi bill. I am getting something in refund to all tax money I have paid to this society for all these years. - The early bus leaves 5:45, which makes me stand up at 4:30 to catch it - and it is in Vaasa, precisely at Central Hospital gate, at 7:30. Then I have one hour to spend in the hospital cafe which is a lovely little place in the beautiful entrance hall and serves lots of nice treats, healthy and less healthy. I had a roll with cheese, and tea.



They had a bit difficulties getting the drop set. Firts they tried on the upper side of the hand. It hurt somewhat enormously though I am not usually sensitive to that kind of things. And it did not work either. Then came another nurse and put it on the inner side of the arm. It hurt too but less, and it worked so I said nothing. But it went on hurting all the time it was in there.Several hours.



First I get medication against feeling sick; a capsel to be had before the drop, and then some 300 ml fluid infused. Then they "wash" the tubes by running NaCl-fluid for a while, then comes the first cytostate, approximately 300 ml too. Again washing with NaCl fluid (all goes into the vein of course), then the second cytostate. The last cytostate, the third, is coloured ruby and it is eroding: if it touches the tissue, it will wear it away with chemical reaction. Therefore they add NaCl as side drop when infusing this, and therefore they also need me to say if I have any feelings at all in the arm when that infusion is done - because the vein could be broken and then it would cause damage in the tissue. It does less damage to the vein. And this one they rinse off the tubes extra carefully. Last, I get the remaining NaCl-fluid (1000 ml allthogether).



I chose to sit in an adjustable (by remote, LOL) easy chair. A young woman was sleeping a few beds away from me and snoring loudly and happily. An elderly man sat beside me in the next easy chair; he had maintaining treatment, means that his cancer, whatever it was, cannot be cured but he can live with it when he receives a cytostate treatment to keep the cancer in control. He said he had been there last time 7 months ago (I go every 3 weeks). An elderly man came with his wife, they only stayed for a little while, as long as it took to take one small dose. His voice was really bad, and he was coughing - might it have been cancer in his throat? Sounded so, because his wife was looking for support from the nurse as it appeared to be so that her husband was refusing to eat and was not taking in enough calories.



I also saw into the "suite" from where i was sitting. They took in a man who was from some department in the hospital because he came in a hospital bed and was then moved to the bed in the suite (for worse patients). He was bare skin and bones, no muscles at all. Later I heard from the breast cancer nurse whom I was seeing that in this hospital every patient is getting the best treatment there is in the world, if s/he needs it. While in Helsinki, the capital, where the patients are more, not all are allowed to have the most expensive treatments. - I have seen that: they used some radio active matter on me before the operation, and the surgeon was happy because they had it - she said that it is not always available in the world market because it is not "sexy" = it is not used in the munitions - it is not used in war technology.



Then I went to the kitchen they have there and found some roll and juice and yoghurt, and had a snack. It was already almost 6 hours since I had eaten breakfast.



Then I met the breast cancer nurse. She had already been to see me several times during the infusion. She told me about the eye brows and eye lashes and even that it is POSSIBLE to keep the own hair - that it actually happens. Well, we will see. As I said, I have substitutes...



We talked about my good luck with good friends and wonderful family, and then we talked about the kids and how they take it. Right now that is what is worrying me most. And my husband.... he is working too hard AND worrying and taking care of me... he is WONDERFUL... really a saint... and I don't know what to do to ease his burden. I try my best - and the most essential thing is to get well of course.



And I am doing my best.



Blood tests came back showing my body has some Finnish "sisu" - an amzing ability to recover from massacre of fast dividing cells. All important values had come back to normal, most had even rised from what they were.



The doctor had not been satisfied with the echo that was seen in liver. She wants to have a ct scan made to make up her mind on whether it is cancer or not. Which means that she thinks cancer is possible also in liver. Ok - if it is, then I take that too. Will find out in three weeks... I only hope that if it is cancer, it has not time to grow too much, or spread.