Each day's share of energy

With fibromyalgia, you have a certain amount of energy for each day. It is not the same amount for each day, but you cannot exceed the amount there is. If you use it all already in the morning, there is nothing left for the rest of the day. If you have just a little energy for a day, you must plan thoroughly how to use it. Maybe that day you can only get dressed, and that is it. Maybe another day you are capable of being active most of the day. Even then, if you struggle too much to start with, you may end up having your energy gone before the day has turned into evening. And you never know beforehand what kind of a day it will be before you are there.

I felt this very concretely today. I had planned to go on with my cleaning work since it went so well yesterday, and I would have an entire day for it... even in the morning it felt possible. Then, before I had dressed up, the youngest one phoned from school. She was crying and telling she had to stay after school to do the homework she had not done at home. Then she asked me to bring the blood sugar meter, she did not find the one she had at school. I promised. She had also left her telephone at home. Complete mess. I dressed up, found the meter (the one she uses at home; I was sure she had the one for school at school somewhere, or in her backbag, just she had got so shocked about the punishment that she had not found it) and the telephone, took reserve keys to my husband's car - he had driven away with mine, to have the battery changed...). I brushed off the snow and lifted up the steering wheel... and did not get it out of the yard. Tried this way and that way and even took the carpets out of the car and put them under the wheels - no. Has never happened to me before but perhaps I was nervous too. And I was getting angry because I had to work out-doors and it was getting on my lungs... off to brush the other car off the snow, lift up the steering wheel, then rush indoors to look for the keys - which I was looking for in two floors, running in hte stairs, but did not find them. A few attacks of asthma later I called my husband to ask if he remembered where the keys were. He came to take the meter to the daughter at school. More than 1 hour had gone, and they had already found the other meter there.

This is NOT what I am on sick leave for. I am not supposed to be running back and forth and to be stgruggling physically out-doors when it is harmful for asthma.

After all that, I was trembling all over and had definitely no energy left. All I could do was go to bed. I felt frustrated. I knew I could have used that energy for cleaning - now I used it for struggling with things that did not lead anywhere. Nothing that I had done was of any use, but my energy had all gone. I cannot but give up. This day is as good as gone, for me.

Sigh.