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Ignored and neglected when sick
When you get ill, you get sympathy. Warm words, caring, love, affection, prayers, checking-ons.... you think. Maybe if you have flu you will get all that, for a short while. Not if you have something else. Definitely not if you are seriously ill. Then what you get is people turning their backs on you. People going away. People right away disappearing from your life. Severe chronical illness seems to sort true friends from those who just pretend friendship. Most seem to have just pretended. Suddenly they have much to do, somewhere else. Suddenly they are busy. Somewhere else. Suddenly they don't have time - for you.
Okey we who are chronically ill don't need that. We do not deserve bad treatment. Therefore we withdraw. What happens to us is human. It happened even to our Lord Jesus Christ. When he needed support, his friends were sleeping. Not one hour could they stay awake with him and support him in his struggle. He even asked them for support - I have not asked. And He, too, was betrayed by one of His closest friends. It must have hurt Him enormously. For I have noticed that too - closest friends get very distant when you need their support. They are even the biggest cowards to betray you when it suits their own intests. They are not defending you against other world - they are letting other world smash you in their feet if defending would demand an effort or taking part officially, publicly. You get to think they are ashamed of you, not proud of you.
In the end, getting seriously and chronically ill is a blessing. It really shows you very clearly and without doubt who is the real friend. And heavens, they are not so many.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
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2 comments:
I've come to the conclusion, after several years of being largely housebound with ME, that our friends fall into two groups. For most people, the bulk of our social circle consists of what I think of as "doing-friends", people we like and who we see through some shared activity or interest. We also have a, generally much smaller, circle of "being-friends", who we love, and who love us, because of who we are, not what we do.
If we have to drop out of our previous activities and interests, for whatever reason, the doing-friends will gradually drop away. The being-friends will stick around though and prove their immense value.
Some people, of course, surprise you and, when things get difficult, change camps. This may involve people you hadn't been terribly close to, who become really good friends or, sadly, some people you thought you could rely on for anything, who find it too much and disappear.
Thank you, Serena, for the comment! It is very true what you say. And illness helps us to see clearly who is worth to be called and treated as friend and who is not. Also it has made me more aware of what I want and what is possible for me - and if the other one does not want to adjust, it is his or her problem. I have done pretty much of adjusting myself but it is not possible anymore at the moment and that should be understood but it is too much for many and they go.
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