An angry and human medical experiment "rabbit"

I feel like a rabbit in medical experiments. I am really really frustrated. All else is in control but pain is ruining my life, my health, whatever. Last drop has been this experiment with Lyrica. It was about to take my life. I have been suffering for an entire year about severe consequences which we now think have been a complication caused by this medicine. Some of them have been listed in the "official" side effects but some are surprising. Anyway I am the one who takes it all, it is my body they are messing up, it is me..... indeed me..... who am now struggling with everything I have to fix after that..... I am so angry.... I am so frustrated.... This disease has robbed me of my self-control and my dignity... it has made me submit to all these tests and all experimenting with medication.... it has made me take life-threatening meds because in the end, when it gets really bad, I cannot take it and I don't really care much what the relief is only it comes. I had to do something and I have no boxing bag to deal with my aggressions, so I have been screaming... really screaming aloud when I came home, and then I started to make a collage about my ekg... a perfectly healthy one but also that, and x-rays, and heaven knows what more, were taken to find out if I had heart failure... I cannot describe my feelings.... good of course that nothing is wrong and a real miracle that I have even managed to heal from something here in between, while all this mess has been going on in my body... ohhhhh shit I hate this all, I really do....

Breathing

I have been living serious times, health-wise. Like some of you know, I am a multi-conditioned one, having more than one life companions (I mean chronic diseases). I am all the time balancing between them. The one that has become a major cause of trouble and a cause of increasing worry has for the last months been asthma, steadily getting worse all the time. These last weeks I have been in a state where I have not known if I will wake up the next morning anymore or not. Several times I have been woken up from a state where I have not been breathing anymore. It has been frightening. I have not been able to climb up stairs without an asthma attack. I have not been able to do practically anything without an asthma attack. And the past few weeks, I have had an ever-increasing feeling thet the attack medication is not biting any more.

I found out Lyrica, which I have successfully taken for another chronic life companion, fibromyalgia, can cause broblems in breathing, and can actually seriously worsen asthma symptoms. Not for everyone, but for some. - If you don't know fibromyalgia, it is a nasty but not life-threatening disease which among other things keeps your muscles stiff, causing you sometimes even unable to move, and still worse, it keeps you in constant, serious, all-over pain. Lyrica helped me, like it helped many others. It did ruin my diet and cause a colossal weight gain but I thought it still did more help than damage. Many others have also been complaining of colossal weight gain when starting to take Lyrica.

There was a time, a few weeks back, when I was taking steroids - yet another time! - for asthma symptoms that had gone really bad. I was getting more and more - and more - swollen, and counghing my lugns out. I felt that steroids would soon kill me in that swollenness, that I would suffocate of it if then asthma would not make the same before that. I stopped taking steroids and started to feel a bit better but something was still seriously wrong. I could not walk, even slowly, and talk at the same time, for instance.

Then yesterday evening I had had enough of it all and I took only 150 mg Lyrica, instead of the full 300 mg dose. I did not sleep very well. This morning I took another 150 mg, instead of 300mg. And you guess it - I can breathe. I can climb stairs and I do cough but I dont get an asthma attack. I would not consider climbing up and down the stairs yet but perhaps I will do that too.

I have a devilish head-ache, my feet are burning and I have a tingling pain in every joint. After a major shock caused by my daughter who had a lamp fall on her and got her hands bleeding and then we had to treat her shock and pain first and the scars then - my legs deceived me and I had to drink sugar for shock symptoms myself, and go to bed. But otherwise the day has been a wonderful one because I have been able to breathe again.

All is well as long as you can take breathing for granted. I have not been able to do so for a very long time. I cannot tell how good it feels to be able to inhale and outhale without problems!