Work is worse than a bee hive... all extra bills due to my brother's death have ruined my economy and I don't know how to manage my financies this month... at home there is worry about the youngest and her health and her school, all seems to be going to --- ... car is shitty, the weather is awful and no one can tell I have cleaned and polished the car last week-end...
And me? I am just doing my work and concentrating in it and feeling great. I am paying one bill at a time and praying God He will arrange the money to be enough for both my and my late brother's bills... and I am feeling good. Just remembered one which I had not paid, paid it, and closed the session. I did not stay there to stare at the figures and think... and feel miserable. I still feel good. (The catastrophe is still to come - ?)
At home I take one thing at a time, and if watching the youngest make her homework takes the entire evening so it takes. Yesterday we got everything done and she felt good and I felt good and my stomach-wrenching worry about her health was history. I hope this day has gone all right at school now.
The car is shitty - and I sit in the car and drive and enjoy. It feels good to drive, and in the morning there was a wonderful wiev that lasted during the entire time when I was driving from home to work, 1 1/2 hours. The sun was rising, the sky was blue with a few thin clouds high up in the sky. There was no wind at all. The clouds were pale purple and pale pink - and then in stronger tones - and then at some place they covered the sun so that the entire sky around it seemed to be glowing in gold which was slightly fading ... I enjoyed being a part of that wonderful scenery, and I felt great because the entire autumn we have had splendid sunrises and sunsets, and it feels really good to absorb all the colors and all that light...
It is a bee hive at work, and we are all very busy... yet I take time and go to hydrobic / pool gym. I have been without that banned medicine now for almost a week, and there have been wonders happening: I have been smiling in the mornings.. I have had pain free days... Today, till now, I have not felt sad at all..----- It may be due to many things of course but this is an euphoric feeling which I have not had for ages and from the bottom of my heart I thank God for that I have it now!
In the pool gym today I could do all the movements required and I did not have any difficulties with coordination, and it felt great and fun. It was a great thing to me because I have had difficulties there, not knowing why, and felt unhappy about losing abilities I have had. Now I think it has been side effects of the medicine and I am happy it is gone! It even means 100 € savings for me each month! WoWWW GREATTT!!!!! Thanks to the Lord! I was happy I was there.
The gymnast often comes to talk with me after the lesson. Today she had her 40th anniversary. She said she had been up to tears, felt so touched during our lesson, because of all that - birthday and us who had come there... It means a lot to her that we do come. The pool was as full as it could be. How many were we? 20? Great madams all the load!
I love life!
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