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Via Make a Note: "Let nothing upset you, let nothing startle you. All things pass; God
does not change. Patience wins all it seeks. Whoever has God lacks
nothing; God alone is enough." --St Teresa Avila (1515-1582).
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Sept 25th 2010 - Bad News, But Life Goes On!
Bad news, but life goes on!
by Ugri Fenno on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 3:21pm
I have been to the surgeon. She punctured the hard odd thing which appeared to be tissue fluid; now it is away and I feel easier, at least for the time being. She said it is perfectly normal to get it, so I haven't done anything wrong. Also the extra bleeding was perfectly normal, but all the blood had already been transported away by body's own declutterers.
Then there were not-so-good news too: Unlike previously supposed, the tumor is, or was, of a very aggressive sort, the worst of them all. Surgery had succeeded 100 % and they seem to think that was it - nothing else found in the breast, and not in the lymph nodes either, though only the two first lymph nodes were taken away and had a closer look at (the first where the vandering cancer cells would go to after having departed from the main tumor). It is still reasonable to suppose that although it was so very aggressive, it probably has not sent anything in other parts of the body. I feel healthy anyway - completely unlike prior to the surgery.
But no one really knows when it is cancer. I have been invited to the onchological policlinic in the central hospital to agree about the treatment plan. It will be chemotherapy first, then radial therapy, because this is much more serious than what it first seemed to be. The tumor is hormone negative, so (thanks God!) no hormone therapy will be needed. (Which means that it is also less easy to treat it of course.) But I have been told yesyerday that they are doing some research and that they are perhaps asking if I'd like to participate - which would mean still some more medication - but of this I don't know anything else yet.
So I didn't get a nice enemy, but the worst of them all. I realize I don't care for myself so much (though of course I'd love to stay alive!) but I will do all I can to be here as long as I can - because of my loved ones who mean everything to me.
I hope to remain happy and positive though - anyway, today I feel fine and I am very much alive - worries are for tomorrow. Just that it is time to start taking this beast seriously! :D
Today it feels that the tissue fluis is filling up again... I HATE IT! I REALLY DO! Puncturing does not even hurt or anything but I hate it still. WHY CANNOT IT JUST BEHAVE!!!!
by Ugri Fenno on Saturday, September 25, 2010 at 3:21pm
I have been to the surgeon. She punctured the hard odd thing which appeared to be tissue fluid; now it is away and I feel easier, at least for the time being. She said it is perfectly normal to get it, so I haven't done anything wrong. Also the extra bleeding was perfectly normal, but all the blood had already been transported away by body's own declutterers.
Then there were not-so-good news too: Unlike previously supposed, the tumor is, or was, of a very aggressive sort, the worst of them all. Surgery had succeeded 100 % and they seem to think that was it - nothing else found in the breast, and not in the lymph nodes either, though only the two first lymph nodes were taken away and had a closer look at (the first where the vandering cancer cells would go to after having departed from the main tumor). It is still reasonable to suppose that although it was so very aggressive, it probably has not sent anything in other parts of the body. I feel healthy anyway - completely unlike prior to the surgery.
But no one really knows when it is cancer. I have been invited to the onchological policlinic in the central hospital to agree about the treatment plan. It will be chemotherapy first, then radial therapy, because this is much more serious than what it first seemed to be. The tumor is hormone negative, so (thanks God!) no hormone therapy will be needed. (Which means that it is also less easy to treat it of course.) But I have been told yesyerday that they are doing some research and that they are perhaps asking if I'd like to participate - which would mean still some more medication - but of this I don't know anything else yet.
So I didn't get a nice enemy, but the worst of them all. I realize I don't care for myself so much (though of course I'd love to stay alive!) but I will do all I can to be here as long as I can - because of my loved ones who mean everything to me.
I hope to remain happy and positive though - anyway, today I feel fine and I am very much alive - worries are for tomorrow. Just that it is time to start taking this beast seriously! :D
Today it feels that the tissue fluis is filling up again... I HATE IT! I REALLY DO! Puncturing does not even hurt or anything but I hate it still. WHY CANNOT IT JUST BEHAVE!!!!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Wednesday September 22nd
Sometimes silence is golden, and sometimes it just means I am resting. I am taki...ng some much needed time to rest and restore. I hope you always remember to do the same for yourself. Be back soon! (FibroHaven in Facebook. And I wrote of myself:)
Me too! I wish people would understand what I am going through. It is not easy by any means, especially with these complications which are making my legs spaghetti. Now people come with their demands and needs... but I don't care so much anymore. I am learning - thoough it is hard - to put myself first. Very selfish - and very necessary when you are seriously ill. Quote from MArilyn Monroe: if you cannot take me when I'm not okey, you don't deserve me when I am on my best!
Received an invitation to the onchological policlinic in the central hospital, it will be on the 7th of October. That policlinic takes care of radial and chemotherapy for cancer patients. I have already been there once, to see the breast cancer nurse, but that was just shortly. I don't know why but it feels sad to receive the invitation although I knew it was coming. It just means that another weary part of the treatment is about to start. I can see now why they talk about being brave, in connection to breast cancer. Among other things of course. Maybe it is that the invitation reminded me of that it is a disease that actually can cause death.
Me too! I wish people would understand what I am going through. It is not easy by any means, especially with these complications which are making my legs spaghetti. Now people come with their demands and needs... but I don't care so much anymore. I am learning - thoough it is hard - to put myself first. Very selfish - and very necessary when you are seriously ill. Quote from MArilyn Monroe: if you cannot take me when I'm not okey, you don't deserve me when I am on my best!
Received an invitation to the onchological policlinic in the central hospital, it will be on the 7th of October. That policlinic takes care of radial and chemotherapy for cancer patients. I have already been there once, to see the breast cancer nurse, but that was just shortly. I don't know why but it feels sad to receive the invitation although I knew it was coming. It just means that another weary part of the treatment is about to start. I can see now why they talk about being brave, in connection to breast cancer. Among other things of course. Maybe it is that the invitation reminded me of that it is a disease that actually can cause death.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
September 20th, 2010
Got more bed rest due to infection in the operated area. Got awfully sore and achy all over and thought it was fibromyalgia; then realized it was my temperature rising. Went to doctor, and now I am on antibiotics again, and really exhausted. – 1 päivä sitten – välittäjänä Facebook
September 19th, part 2
has had a whole-pain day today. Every single muscle and joint is aching. Managed to get myself and my hair washed though, applied even cream on face and brushed teeth - had brunch - reloaded the washing machine a few times. Finished Leena Lehtolainen's novel. Tried to organize desk but lost tools immediately... had 2 hours rest.... anyway, pretty well done in a day like this! :) – 2 päivää sitten – välittäjänä Facebook
September 19th, 2010
Got hooked: Leena Lehtolainen's new novel "Minne tytöt kadonneet" is something I find almost impossible to let out of my hands. Leena Lehtolainen is a Finnish author who has been translated to many languages. This new one tells about disappearing girls, it has just been published in Finnish. – 2 päivää sitten – välittäjänä Facebook
September 15th, 2010
Been to lung policlinic today in the central hospital. Routine check, nothing else. After that, had lunch in my own company, then drove to an art museum, spent time exploring two exhibitions and found out interesting things... then got completely wet in rain storm when walking to the car. Loved to spend the day in my own company. – 6 päivää sitten – välittäjänä Facebook
September 14th, 2010
Feeling sad today - mainly because I think I don't accomplish as much as I should. Must find a positive way of thinking. Anyway, I am getting better every day. That is something to be happy of! – 14 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
September 10th, 2010
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe – 10 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
September 9th, 2010
Vesicle is history but I am still taking it easy and NOT lifting or carrying. Yesterday I spent mostly resting. Today it seems even the blackmark is changing color which meands there is no new bleeding. Also the rash seems to have disappeared. And the skin around the scars has been renewed since the old skin is peeling off. It's almost noon today, and I have not been taking ANY pain killer yet! Yippee! :) – 9 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
September 8th, 2010
Got scared this morning. The operated breast felt much heavier than the healthy one. Also found, in addition to the new blackmark which has been there for about two days, a sugar-bite-size vesicle filled with blood on 7 o'clock position. There is some inner bleeding somewhere in the operated area. Decided to stay resting today and see what happens. I am worried. – 8 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
September 7th, 2010
Today - the first day when I could do my gymnastics as adviced in the hospital. I have also been able to cut my pain killers to half and I am not taking any strong pain killers at all anymore. Also completed my part of the work with the home town calendar for the next year. Happy to get it off my hands! :) – 7 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
Feel especially blessed with friends today. Have had a few really bad days, and today, in addition to being so much better physically, heard so many good, encouraging, beautiful things from adorable friends! Reading about other breast cancer survivors and fighters, feels good I'm not alone or odd with my thoughts and feelings. – 7 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
Feel especially blessed with friends today. Have had a few really bad days, and today, in addition to being so much better physically, heard so many good, encouraging, beautiful things from adorable friends! Reading about other breast cancer survivors and fighters, feels good I'm not alone or odd with my thoughts and feelings. – 7 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
September 6th, 2010
Accidentally too much stretching yesterday caused all-day ache today, plus a new blackmark so I have managed to cause an extra internal bleeding in the wound area - luckily it is not so big and since it's not getting worse, it is most likely healing. – 6 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
September 5th, 2010
Feeling tired today. Been to church, and for a walk which made my legs stiff. Not in a very good mood. – 5 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
My body is not co-operative today. I went for a walk and my legs got stiff so that walking was really really weary. (It is part of the FMS sydrome.) I am feeling depressed about the situation... anyway, the stitches were removed from the armpit on Friday and the nurse said it looked fine. I have been looking at the wounds daily and they seem to look different each day, but no doubt the healing process is going on. Putting clothes on is difficult because I cannot stretch my right arm as much as I should without pain, and if I stretch it with pain like I did yesterday, I will have the pain there all day. I am doing the exercises I was advised to do when I was in the hospital, it is to remain the mobility of the shoulder and to stretch the muscles and remain a good posture (mmm.... gain a good posture in my case LOL). I try to do the household work I can do but also there, days vary and sometimes I can put dishes in the dish washer, sometimes I have to leave them in the sink. I hate to think that I should do any work at all but I have to, at least I have to accomplish the calendar and the home town magazine... I feel stressed when I think about people being impatient about them...
I am happy of my family. It is giving me time and space to recover, and their love and presence, and support and encouragement. So it is with you too. It is good to have friends too, on- and offline.
Church day today. The preach was about gratitude. Last time I was there, it was about healing. It feels like tailor-made for me each time. :)
Something I have struggled with and where I got a solution lately: I have always thought that forgiving means forgetting too. I have first recently realized that they are two different things. Forgiving is something you do with a decision, and it has nothing to do with memory or feelings. It is something you can reason about. Forgetting on the other hand is a memory thing and you cannot reason with memory, it has its own ways of functioning. Think that I had to be 52 to realize this!
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Mo Yee Ho God is wonderful, He is healing and we, remaining a heart of gratitude.
September 5 at 5:19pm · UnlikeLike · 1 personLoading... ·
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Ugri Fenno Amen! - I wish you will enjoy your trip tp the fullest, I am so happy for you!
September 5 at 5:28pm · LikeUnlike ·
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Mohamed Elsheikh Hassan Al Hamdu li ALLAH ( praise to the Almighty God ) for your safety
September 6 at 10:49am · LikeUnlike ·
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Ugri Fenno Thank you Mohamed! God bless you!
September 6 at 7:27pm · LikeUnlike ·
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My body is not co-operative today. I went for a walk and my legs got stiff so that walking was really really weary. (It is part of the FMS sydrome.) I am feeling depressed about the situation... anyway, the stitches were removed from the armpit on Friday and the nurse said it looked fine. I have been looking at the wounds daily and they seem to look different each day, but no doubt the healing process is going on. Putting clothes on is difficult because I cannot stretch my right arm as much as I should without pain, and if I stretch it with pain like I did yesterday, I will have the pain there all day. I am doing the exercises I was advised to do when I was in the hospital, it is to remain the mobility of the shoulder and to stretch the muscles and remain a good posture (mmm.... gain a good posture in my case LOL). I try to do the household work I can do but also there, days vary and sometimes I can put dishes in the dish washer, sometimes I have to leave them in the sink. I hate to think that I should do any work at all but I have to, at least I have to accomplish the calendar and the home town magazine... I feel stressed when I think about people being impatient about them...
I am happy of my family. It is giving me time and space to recover, and their love and presence, and support and encouragement. So it is with you too. It is good to have friends too, on- and offline.
Church day today. The preach was about gratitude. Last time I was there, it was about healing. It feels like tailor-made for me each time. :)
Something I have struggled with and where I got a solution lately: I have always thought that forgiving means forgetting too. I have first recently realized that they are two different things. Forgiving is something you do with a decision, and it has nothing to do with memory or feelings. It is something you can reason about. Forgetting on the other hand is a memory thing and you cannot reason with memory, it has its own ways of functioning. Think that I had to be 52 to realize this!
Comment · LikeUnlike · Share
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Mo Yee Ho God is wonderful, He is healing and we, remaining a heart of gratitude.
September 5 at 5:19pm · UnlikeLike · 1 personLoading... ·
o
Ugri Fenno Amen! - I wish you will enjoy your trip tp the fullest, I am so happy for you!
September 5 at 5:28pm · LikeUnlike ·
o
Mohamed Elsheikh Hassan Al Hamdu li ALLAH ( praise to the Almighty God ) for your safety
September 6 at 10:49am · LikeUnlike ·
o
Ugri Fenno Thank you Mohamed! God bless you!
September 6 at 7:27pm · LikeUnlike ·
* Write a comment...
September 2nd, 2010
Took away the tape from the first surgical wound. Had not seen the scar before, it looked quite neat. Will have the stitches removed from the other one tomorrow. I am getting annoyed on them - it is really impractical and irritating to have stitches in the armpit! Happy to get them off! – 2 Syys – välittäjänä
I am enjoying these fresh sunny autumn days, they feel wonderful! I am going out for a walk today, and also to the pharmacy - a dull thing to do but needs more medication, blah - on the other hand, glad there is medication when you need it! :) – 2 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
I told the doctor I have asthma and therefore cannot take all pain killers. Now I have just noticed - as this coughing and shortness of breath goes really wild - that I have BOTH a pain killer AND antibiotics that DON'T go with asthma. Stopped taking the pain killer and tomorrow morning I will have the last pill of antibiotics and then I hope my breathing probs will be over! – 2 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
I am enjoying these fresh sunny autumn days, they feel wonderful! I am going out for a walk today, and also to the pharmacy - a dull thing to do but needs more medication, blah - on the other hand, glad there is medication when you need it! :) – 2 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
I told the doctor I have asthma and therefore cannot take all pain killers. Now I have just noticed - as this coughing and shortness of breath goes really wild - that I have BOTH a pain killer AND antibiotics that DON'T go with asthma. Stopped taking the pain killer and tomorrow morning I will have the last pill of antibiotics and then I hope my breathing probs will be over! – 2 Syys – välittäjänä Facebook
August 31st, 2010
The scar in the armpit is hurting. Pain killers make me tired. Soon it is time to take the obligatory nap again... – 31 Elo – välittäjänä Facebook
Sleeping at the keyboard... – 31 Elo – välittäjänä Facebook
Hello folks... I am sorry I am not online, "there", so much... I could not imagine this kind of tiredness possible! Everything is as it should be because I was told in the hospital it would be like this... I am okey, just tired... exhausted... I will love to see you when I get less tired! Take care! – 31 Elo – Kommentti
Sleeping at the keyboard... – 31 Elo – välittäjänä Facebook
Hello folks... I am sorry I am not online, "there", so much... I could not imagine this kind of tiredness possible! Everything is as it should be because I was told in the hospital it would be like this... I am okey, just tired... exhausted... I will love to see you when I get less tired! Take care! – 31 Elo – Kommentti
August 29th, 2010
The operation was done and everything went fine. The tumor got out together with 2 cm marginal and the x-ray dept and the surgeon agreed that it had come out completely. Now I have three weeks before the next check, during wihich the scars should heal. It looks good for both of them - the other one was made in the armpit to pick out a few lymph nodes to check if the cancer had spread. Nothing was found - they made a radio-isotopic scan before the operation, and a colour scan during the operation, and nothing was seen in the microscope either during the operation - now it all goes to patological research to study the matter more closely. I will hear then... if there is something found, the next opereation will be very soon, but it is not likely that they find something. Anyway, I don't think anything about it before I hear the results. To begin with, I have 6 weeks sick leave. It is for recovering from the operation - if there is some radsial thereapy to follow like there most likely is, it should mean prolonged sick leave. But we'll see then.
I feel fine, I have felt fine all the time. I have enough pain killers so I don't feel much pain in the scars which is a good thing, and they both seem to heal nicely so far. But I am really, really exhausted. I cannot understand it but there was some specialist in the hospital who came to see me and tell me what would follow and she said the operation would be followed by an incredible tiredness. So things are as they should be, I suppose :D!
I am mostly lying in bed and reading, and taking a nap in between - very often. I don't sleep well at nights, not yet, but I suppose it will settle with time too. I will write more details later.
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Mo Yee Ho likes this.
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Mo Yee Ho feel good soon, wish you a speedy recovery, and good news follows.
August 30 at 2:11pm · ·
I feel fine, I have felt fine all the time. I have enough pain killers so I don't feel much pain in the scars which is a good thing, and they both seem to heal nicely so far. But I am really, really exhausted. I cannot understand it but there was some specialist in the hospital who came to see me and tell me what would follow and she said the operation would be followed by an incredible tiredness. So things are as they should be, I suppose :D!
I am mostly lying in bed and reading, and taking a nap in between - very often. I don't sleep well at nights, not yet, but I suppose it will settle with time too. I will write more details later.
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Mo Yee Ho likes this.
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Mo Yee Ho feel good soon, wish you a speedy recovery, and good news follows.
August 30 at 2:11pm · ·
August 28th, 2010
Back from hospital (already yesterday) and feeling remarkably better. So far no other tumors found. The existing one has been removed with 2 cm marginal, means that it has come out completely. The surgeon was very skillful! All went as planned and everything was just fine. Sick leave for 6 weeks. Thank you all - it's not over yet but at least this surgery is over and all went really fine! – 28 Elo – välittäjänä Facebook
August 25, 2010
I'll be in the hospital tomorrow morning at 6.45 a.m., see he surgeon and receive the radioactive injection at 7.00, have the tumor marked with steel thread in the x-ray dept at 7.30, and then I'll be the 2nd to be operated that day, i.e. it will be done before noon. I'm healthy, rash is not too bad - just excited. Thanks for support, pls keep praying! :) – 25 Elo – välittäjänä Facebook
Rash got worse, could it be mental? I hope the tunor will be removed tomorrow as planned anyway.
Rash got worse, could it be mental? I hope the tunor will be removed tomorrow as planned anyway.
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