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This was a "normal" morning in that it had most of the breathing problems my worsening asthma brings with it now as the cancer medicines also kill important cells in the breathing system, and dry out all mucosa in mouth, nose and lower breathing system... this was an abnormal morning in that I had no fibro pains - it seems cancer medication kills them too LOL...
I woke up at 7 and realized that my mouth, nose and everything in the breathing system was horribly, painfully dry and that I was only barely able to breathe, just a little... I jumped up, and sitting on the bed inhaled the assthma attack medicine and then started to wait... after 15 minutes, it finally started to help and I felt the bronchus open a bit so I could breathe better. Meanwhile, I used sprays (2 different kind) to treat the painfully dry and stuck nose. It just absorbes everything, the dryness is so difficult. I inhaled the main asthma medicine after that, and the additional one after that, and continues to drink water... next, two different eye drops, one after another, as soon as I felt comfortable to be in a lying position again... because cancer meds also make eyes dry, like paper... by that, it was 7:40 a.m. already. I went to my daughter's room to measure her blood glucose and give her the insulin... then to the bathroom to brush my teeth which feel like sticky even though I brush them thoroughly; the mouth hygienist said it is because of the dryness. Then to use some tablets which could help in mouth dryness... and again himiditating nose, applying lip balm to dry lips (maybe the third time this morning already).... and when I finally felt that I could risk going out to the staircase where we have no heating, I still checked first from my Android how cold it is out-doors - wow, -11 C ONLY.... took a woollen jacket on me and went downstairs to make tea.
What could I eat for breakfast? What would hurt less when swallowed and going down to stomach because I have had pains when eating? Also the mucosa in esophagus is damaged and I get a painful, burning feeling when food goes down... I took Christmas loaf, liver paste, yoghurt (mild sort) and tea, and hoped for the best. I also doubled the stomach protecting medicine I am taking for these problems. To my surprise I could finally eat all I had taken and even have all my medicine, including cortizone for asthma and another additional asthma medicine, at least the cortizone for sure irritating the stomach too.
When I was ready, it was past 10 a.m. It had taken me more than three hours to accomplish all this, and I had not showered yet, I had not dressed up yet, I had not done anyhting extra like read the morning paper or something like that. All that had kept occupying me till that was cancer and its treatments, and especially the side effects I have chosen to live with, and asthma.
If I had had my usual dizziness, clumsiness, stiffness and pains which come with fibromyalgia and which I don't have now, it would have taken me even more time to accomplish all this.
No doctor has ever talked to me about retiring. I still have 11 years to the official retirement. (Fibromyalgia is not accepted as a reason fore retiring in Finland, and till now, asthma has behaved, sort of...)
Showing posts with label breast cancer survivor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breast cancer survivor. Show all posts
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
What does being a cancer survivor mean to me?
What does being a cancer survivor mean to me?
by Ugri Fenno on Sunday, November 21, 2010 at 8:56pm
I am, according to definition, an acute cancer survivor. It means that I did not die of it, but the treatment procedure started with me and I am now living it through.
What does it mean to me?
It means that nothing is the same than it used to be.
It means that I still have my family and their support, but also that my having cancer is loading them enormously in all ways: our income is less and we have to adjust to that since I don't work; it in turn means that all our planned and unplanned travels have been canceled beceuse right now we cannot afford them. It means that many other things have to be postponed or canceled too, but we can manage as long as I will have a job to return to after I ahve gone through this healing time.
It also means that when I am often tired and must concentrate in getting more fit to survive, and to prohobit the cancer from recurring, I cannot do so much at home either. It means others must share a bigger deal of household work. We have tried to involve children and I think it works as good as it can, they have to be reminded all the time, but my wonderful husband has always shared a huge deal of household work and I am afraid this will loas him even more.
What it also means is emotional stress to my near and loved ones. I know my children are living a hard time emotionally, being worried of me and stressed by the uncertainty cancer brings with itself. It feels awful to me to see that, understand that, and not being able to take that burden away. Anyway, they are just kids! It feels so unreasonable to them.
ANd to my husband. I don't know it he has anyone to talk to about his feelings. He does not talk about his fears to me, or about my possible death, or anything. When he is with me, he denies it all - at least to me. He is a wonderful support, I am just so worried that he takes a too heavy load too. I think we are all protecting each other somehow.
And to me too... I live in uncertainty and I try to find out the strength to live in it, not only now, but during the rest of my life. Sometimes I live one day at a time, sometimes, when it is really hard physikcally and / or mentally, I live one hour at a time. I live more in thne present than in the future. And for some reason ... memories have taken an important and meaningful place in my life and among those things that matter. I mean both good and bad memories.
Right now being a cancer survivor means toi me that my life goes in cycles: cytostate infusion on Friday, after three weeks Thursday lab tests, on Friday cytostates again, and in between all other doc appointments, struggling with side effects, fear of hair loss, mental coping with physical and mental feelings that are rised by the treatments... sometimes I get lost in my feelings and I ahve learned to be really cautious and careful in expressing what I feel - I think I don't have so many people around me who can really take it all so I better invest in future friendships - that they exist also in the future - and not load them so much now. Which leaves me quite alone of course.
But this has also shown to me that I have great friends... and that they are far more capable in expressing their friendship than I had ever thought of. Many take time to be with me, some travel long ways to me... I appreciate it very much. Of course, it makes the contrast really huge to those who don't have time or interest. I try to adjust and not expect anything - after all, friendship is voluntary and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I don't want anything that anyone must force him- or herself to.
I am painfully aware of that medication affects me in all ways - physical, and mental too. I am painfully aware of that I cannot control myself as much as I'd like to. I do and say things that I should not, and I am all the time afraid I may hurt someone or be too direct or... just anything. I cannot ask for understanding because of being ill and drugged... at least I feel so. It does not give me the right to behave in an inappropriate way. I HATE to behave that way and I'd like to apologise and talk things through when it happens....
I am also very sensitive myself and get hurt easily - which I don't want to say because I feel uncvmfortable if I think people are being overly careful with me. I am sensitive - very sensitive - about my privacy, for example. I hear and read things in a different way sometimes - "understand" things that are not really there. I can say, in general, that ALL things mean a lot more to me now.
But being a survivor also means to me that I have survived the acute pass-away. It means that there is hope in my life, and hope is in a very important place in my life right now. It also means that I am doing really everything that I can and that is in my power to survive in the long-term, too. To survive permanently. It means ups and downs, and constant starting from zero... and constant fight against depression which could be caused by the physical conditon collapsing after each treatment...
And it means constant balancing with everything that I ahve listed. Surprisingly, it also means that my days are pretty busy - if I include everything that my rehabilitation needs,a nd taking care of the financies (which means writing continuous allpications to the social security), and running errands and doing some household work - I am full.time occupied anyway, even if I don't work. But I think it is worth it.I am worth the effort now. I have never invested in myself like this. I feel that now I have to. Not only for myself, but for all those who love me and care for me and who want to share many more years with me.
God speaks to me very directly, like He always has. In sermons, preaches, through friends, via the Bible. ANd that, though it comes last, is not the least thing in my life. I would be really lost without faith.
by Ugri Fenno on Sunday, November 21, 2010 at 8:56pm
I am, according to definition, an acute cancer survivor. It means that I did not die of it, but the treatment procedure started with me and I am now living it through.
What does it mean to me?
It means that nothing is the same than it used to be.
It means that I still have my family and their support, but also that my having cancer is loading them enormously in all ways: our income is less and we have to adjust to that since I don't work; it in turn means that all our planned and unplanned travels have been canceled beceuse right now we cannot afford them. It means that many other things have to be postponed or canceled too, but we can manage as long as I will have a job to return to after I ahve gone through this healing time.
It also means that when I am often tired and must concentrate in getting more fit to survive, and to prohobit the cancer from recurring, I cannot do so much at home either. It means others must share a bigger deal of household work. We have tried to involve children and I think it works as good as it can, they have to be reminded all the time, but my wonderful husband has always shared a huge deal of household work and I am afraid this will loas him even more.
What it also means is emotional stress to my near and loved ones. I know my children are living a hard time emotionally, being worried of me and stressed by the uncertainty cancer brings with itself. It feels awful to me to see that, understand that, and not being able to take that burden away. Anyway, they are just kids! It feels so unreasonable to them.
ANd to my husband. I don't know it he has anyone to talk to about his feelings. He does not talk about his fears to me, or about my possible death, or anything. When he is with me, he denies it all - at least to me. He is a wonderful support, I am just so worried that he takes a too heavy load too. I think we are all protecting each other somehow.
And to me too... I live in uncertainty and I try to find out the strength to live in it, not only now, but during the rest of my life. Sometimes I live one day at a time, sometimes, when it is really hard physikcally and / or mentally, I live one hour at a time. I live more in thne present than in the future. And for some reason ... memories have taken an important and meaningful place in my life and among those things that matter. I mean both good and bad memories.
Right now being a cancer survivor means toi me that my life goes in cycles: cytostate infusion on Friday, after three weeks Thursday lab tests, on Friday cytostates again, and in between all other doc appointments, struggling with side effects, fear of hair loss, mental coping with physical and mental feelings that are rised by the treatments... sometimes I get lost in my feelings and I ahve learned to be really cautious and careful in expressing what I feel - I think I don't have so many people around me who can really take it all so I better invest in future friendships - that they exist also in the future - and not load them so much now. Which leaves me quite alone of course.
But this has also shown to me that I have great friends... and that they are far more capable in expressing their friendship than I had ever thought of. Many take time to be with me, some travel long ways to me... I appreciate it very much. Of course, it makes the contrast really huge to those who don't have time or interest. I try to adjust and not expect anything - after all, friendship is voluntary and I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I don't want anything that anyone must force him- or herself to.
I am painfully aware of that medication affects me in all ways - physical, and mental too. I am painfully aware of that I cannot control myself as much as I'd like to. I do and say things that I should not, and I am all the time afraid I may hurt someone or be too direct or... just anything. I cannot ask for understanding because of being ill and drugged... at least I feel so. It does not give me the right to behave in an inappropriate way. I HATE to behave that way and I'd like to apologise and talk things through when it happens....
I am also very sensitive myself and get hurt easily - which I don't want to say because I feel uncvmfortable if I think people are being overly careful with me. I am sensitive - very sensitive - about my privacy, for example. I hear and read things in a different way sometimes - "understand" things that are not really there. I can say, in general, that ALL things mean a lot more to me now.
But being a survivor also means to me that I have survived the acute pass-away. It means that there is hope in my life, and hope is in a very important place in my life right now. It also means that I am doing really everything that I can and that is in my power to survive in the long-term, too. To survive permanently. It means ups and downs, and constant starting from zero... and constant fight against depression which could be caused by the physical conditon collapsing after each treatment...
And it means constant balancing with everything that I ahve listed. Surprisingly, it also means that my days are pretty busy - if I include everything that my rehabilitation needs,a nd taking care of the financies (which means writing continuous allpications to the social security), and running errands and doing some household work - I am full.time occupied anyway, even if I don't work. But I think it is worth it.I am worth the effort now. I have never invested in myself like this. I feel that now I have to. Not only for myself, but for all those who love me and care for me and who want to share many more years with me.
God speaks to me very directly, like He always has. In sermons, preaches, through friends, via the Bible. ANd that, though it comes last, is not the least thing in my life. I would be really lost without faith.
What is a cancer survivor? http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-cancer-survivor.htm by Ugri Fenno on Sunday, November 21, 2010 at 7:52pm
What is a cancer survivor? http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-cancer-survivor.htm
by Ugri Fenno on Sunday, November 21, 2010 at 7:52pm
A cancer survivor is generally defined as anybody who is either in the process of surviving cancer or who has already had treatment for cancer. With that definition, anybody who currently has cancer or who has had cancer at some point in his or her life can be considered a cancer survivor. There are some difficulties associated with surviving cancer, some of which are physical and some of which are emotional or social.
Many people break cancer survivors up into categories based on what phase of cancer survival they are currently in. The first phase is often called acute survivorship, and it would generally include anybody who is being treated or still suffering with the direct effects of cancer. The second phase is called extended survivorship, and this generally includes all people who have went through treatment and are trying to continue their lives afterward. Both phases of survivorship have different challenges that individuals must overcome.
When trying to survive cancer, there are often many lifestyle changes that a person has to make. For example, many people may need to give up certain poor habits. Others are generally required to change their diets or take certain supplements and medications. After having cancer, many people make a concerted effort to improve their overall health, and this can involve increasing the amount of exercise they get.
Another major challenge that many cancer survivors have is mental. For example, they may have a lot of fear about the disease recurring. These anxieties can make life very difficult for many cancer survivors. Sometimes people may worry that every sickness they get may have something to do with their cancer returning, and learning to deal with these fears is generally a big part of overcoming cancer.
A cancer survivor can often have lingering physical problems that can make life more difficult. For example, a lung cancer survivor may have difficulties with breathing that will never go away. Sometimes during cancer treatment, doctors are required to remove certain body parts or organs, and this can leave people with permanent challenges.
Some cancer survivors may have problems in their social or professional lives. They may worry about telling new people about their cancer because they fear it may lead to special treatment or being singled out. When people get cancer, it can also be a very stressful time for family and friends, and this can cause people to behave in inappropriate ways, which can lead to long-term difficulties in relationships.
by Ugri Fenno on Sunday, November 21, 2010 at 7:52pm
A cancer survivor is generally defined as anybody who is either in the process of surviving cancer or who has already had treatment for cancer. With that definition, anybody who currently has cancer or who has had cancer at some point in his or her life can be considered a cancer survivor. There are some difficulties associated with surviving cancer, some of which are physical and some of which are emotional or social.
Many people break cancer survivors up into categories based on what phase of cancer survival they are currently in. The first phase is often called acute survivorship, and it would generally include anybody who is being treated or still suffering with the direct effects of cancer. The second phase is called extended survivorship, and this generally includes all people who have went through treatment and are trying to continue their lives afterward. Both phases of survivorship have different challenges that individuals must overcome.
When trying to survive cancer, there are often many lifestyle changes that a person has to make. For example, many people may need to give up certain poor habits. Others are generally required to change their diets or take certain supplements and medications. After having cancer, many people make a concerted effort to improve their overall health, and this can involve increasing the amount of exercise they get.
Another major challenge that many cancer survivors have is mental. For example, they may have a lot of fear about the disease recurring. These anxieties can make life very difficult for many cancer survivors. Sometimes people may worry that every sickness they get may have something to do with their cancer returning, and learning to deal with these fears is generally a big part of overcoming cancer.
A cancer survivor can often have lingering physical problems that can make life more difficult. For example, a lung cancer survivor may have difficulties with breathing that will never go away. Sometimes during cancer treatment, doctors are required to remove certain body parts or organs, and this can leave people with permanent challenges.
Some cancer survivors may have problems in their social or professional lives. They may worry about telling new people about their cancer because they fear it may lead to special treatment or being singled out. When people get cancer, it can also be a very stressful time for family and friends, and this can cause people to behave in inappropriate ways, which can lead to long-term difficulties in relationships.
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