A "normal" morning

This was a "normal" morning in that it had most of the breathing problems my worsening asthma brings with it now as the cancer medicines also kill important cells in the breathing system, and dry out all mucosa in mouth, nose and lower breathing system... this was an abnormal morning in that I had no fibro pains - it seems cancer medication kills them too LOL...

I woke up at 7 and realized that my mouth, nose and everything in the breathing system was horribly, painfully dry and that I was only barely able to breathe, just a little... I jumped up, and sitting on the bed inhaled the assthma attack medicine and then started to wait... after 15 minutes, it finally started to help and I felt the bronchus open a bit so I could breathe better. Meanwhile, I used sprays (2 different kind) to treat the painfully dry and stuck nose. It just absorbes everything, the dryness is so difficult. I inhaled the main asthma medicine after that, and the additional one after that, and continues to drink water... next, two different eye drops, one after another, as soon as I felt comfortable to be in a lying position again... because cancer meds also make eyes dry, like paper... by that, it was 7:40 a.m. already. I went to my daughter's room to measure her blood glucose and give her the insulin... then to the bathroom to brush my teeth which feel like sticky even though I brush them thoroughly; the mouth hygienist said it is because of the dryness. Then to use some tablets which could help in mouth dryness... and again himiditating nose, applying lip balm to dry lips (maybe the third time this morning already).... and when I finally felt that I could risk going out to the staircase where we have no heating, I still checked first from my Android how cold it is out-doors - wow, -11 C ONLY.... took a woollen jacket on me and went downstairs to make tea.

What could I eat for breakfast? What would hurt less when swallowed and going down to stomach because I have had pains when eating? Also the mucosa in esophagus is damaged and I get a painful, burning feeling when food goes down... I took Christmas loaf, liver paste, yoghurt (mild sort) and tea, and hoped for the best. I also doubled the stomach protecting medicine I am taking for these problems. To my surprise I could finally eat all I had taken and even have all my medicine, including cortizone for asthma and another additional asthma medicine, at least the cortizone for sure irritating the stomach too.

When I was ready, it was past 10 a.m. It had taken me more than three hours to accomplish all this, and I had not showered yet, I had not dressed up yet, I had not done anyhting extra like read the morning paper or something like that. All that had kept occupying me till that was cancer and its treatments, and especially the side effects I have chosen to live with, and asthma.

If I had had my usual dizziness, clumsiness, stiffness and pains which come with fibromyalgia and which I don't have now, it would have taken me even more time to accomplish all this.

No doctor has ever talked to me about retiring. I still have 11 years to the official retirement. (Fibromyalgia is not accepted as a reason fore retiring in Finland, and till now, asthma has behaved, sort of...)

Asthma gets nasty

I have suffered the one-week-long post-treatment blues with sick feeling, head ache, odd feelings here and there, digestive discomforts and so on. Today I felt well and thought it would be a perfect day for a walk since I have developed an obsession for fresh air although I am not very skilled or in a very good condition.



SO I went out. It has started to snow, and after ca 50 meters I started to feel really odd in my head. It was something that made me think that I will fall unconscious pretty soon. But I didn't turn back, I went on. In the next street corner I was coughing my lungs out. I had to stop to cough, and stop again, and again, and nothing helped. I realized my asthma medicin was at home and not with me. But I did not turn back, I just went on walking. In the next corner, I decided to turn back, and I was considering calling my husband so that he'd come and drive me home. It just felt too ridiculous since I was not even far away from home - just that getting back there felt impossible. My breathing was really weary and it made noise not only by outhaling but by inhaling too. I don't know how I made it back home and up the stairs but I did, and I managed even to inhale the asthma medication and after a while, go and drive my little daughter home from school. Then I thought I'd go out again, since I had only walked for 10 minutes and I felt really ashamed of it, I would like to do better... but on second thoughts, my legs were almost unable to move for having done that walking with practically very little oxygen, I was trembling all over and feeling very weak and my heart was still beating extra - so that unfortunately, it is just to rest tonight.



That is the balancing I do all the time. It is essential to get as much motion as possible to beat breast cancer and prevent it from coming anew. Sometimes asthma gets so weary that motioning is impossible. And sometimes fibromyalgia adds on problems - like I think it did today, by making asthma worse than it was actually, and making walking cause more pain and fatique than would be reasonable.



But I have feelings too. I want to get well and it feels really hard to accept that my body is fighting against me. Or maybe it is telling me things I don't want to listen? Like, that I need to rest? After all, I DID some cleaning all through the morning, till noon. That counts too.