Asthma gets nasty

I have suffered the one-week-long post-treatment blues with sick feeling, head ache, odd feelings here and there, digestive discomforts and so on. Today I felt well and thought it would be a perfect day for a walk since I have developed an obsession for fresh air although I am not very skilled or in a very good condition.



SO I went out. It has started to snow, and after ca 50 meters I started to feel really odd in my head. It was something that made me think that I will fall unconscious pretty soon. But I didn't turn back, I went on. In the next street corner I was coughing my lungs out. I had to stop to cough, and stop again, and again, and nothing helped. I realized my asthma medicin was at home and not with me. But I did not turn back, I just went on walking. In the next corner, I decided to turn back, and I was considering calling my husband so that he'd come and drive me home. It just felt too ridiculous since I was not even far away from home - just that getting back there felt impossible. My breathing was really weary and it made noise not only by outhaling but by inhaling too. I don't know how I made it back home and up the stairs but I did, and I managed even to inhale the asthma medication and after a while, go and drive my little daughter home from school. Then I thought I'd go out again, since I had only walked for 10 minutes and I felt really ashamed of it, I would like to do better... but on second thoughts, my legs were almost unable to move for having done that walking with practically very little oxygen, I was trembling all over and feeling very weak and my heart was still beating extra - so that unfortunately, it is just to rest tonight.



That is the balancing I do all the time. It is essential to get as much motion as possible to beat breast cancer and prevent it from coming anew. Sometimes asthma gets so weary that motioning is impossible. And sometimes fibromyalgia adds on problems - like I think it did today, by making asthma worse than it was actually, and making walking cause more pain and fatique than would be reasonable.



But I have feelings too. I want to get well and it feels really hard to accept that my body is fighting against me. Or maybe it is telling me things I don't want to listen? Like, that I need to rest? After all, I DID some cleaning all through the morning, till noon. That counts too.