Asthma gets nasty

I have suffered the one-week-long post-treatment blues with sick feeling, head ache, odd feelings here and there, digestive discomforts and so on. Today I felt well and thought it would be a perfect day for a walk since I have developed an obsession for fresh air although I am not very skilled or in a very good condition.



SO I went out. It has started to snow, and after ca 50 meters I started to feel really odd in my head. It was something that made me think that I will fall unconscious pretty soon. But I didn't turn back, I went on. In the next street corner I was coughing my lungs out. I had to stop to cough, and stop again, and again, and nothing helped. I realized my asthma medicin was at home and not with me. But I did not turn back, I just went on walking. In the next corner, I decided to turn back, and I was considering calling my husband so that he'd come and drive me home. It just felt too ridiculous since I was not even far away from home - just that getting back there felt impossible. My breathing was really weary and it made noise not only by outhaling but by inhaling too. I don't know how I made it back home and up the stairs but I did, and I managed even to inhale the asthma medication and after a while, go and drive my little daughter home from school. Then I thought I'd go out again, since I had only walked for 10 minutes and I felt really ashamed of it, I would like to do better... but on second thoughts, my legs were almost unable to move for having done that walking with practically very little oxygen, I was trembling all over and feeling very weak and my heart was still beating extra - so that unfortunately, it is just to rest tonight.



That is the balancing I do all the time. It is essential to get as much motion as possible to beat breast cancer and prevent it from coming anew. Sometimes asthma gets so weary that motioning is impossible. And sometimes fibromyalgia adds on problems - like I think it did today, by making asthma worse than it was actually, and making walking cause more pain and fatique than would be reasonable.



But I have feelings too. I want to get well and it feels really hard to accept that my body is fighting against me. Or maybe it is telling me things I don't want to listen? Like, that I need to rest? After all, I DID some cleaning all through the morning, till noon. That counts too.

Everything cannot be cured

Such a bad day, asthma-wise. Anything triggers an attack: laughing, having a shower, just whatever. Snow-storm out-doors, and I suffer from a bad case of fibro fog too, added with a really deep blue. I am starting to think that I will really never get well anymore. Illnesses are like that sometimes. Everything cannot be cured. BOnus: some friends seem to think that now is the appropriate time to turn their back to me. So I can only think that I now know them better than I did before.

Fibro Fog

This is part of the mail I sent to a dear friend of mine. I want to add it here too, in case there are more people who want to know about fibro fog. There are more precise documentations about it, sure - this is just what I feel and what I ahve to live with.

I was asked what fibro fog, or brain fog, is. A friend of mine made the same question before, in chat, and I pasted and copied what I told him, and that time I was ”foggy” so I was describing how I felt. I have left his comments out but he was really encouraging and supportive and I am so grateful of that. I am also grateful for your prayers, they are really needed and appreciated. The other day when I was having my council meeting at work in the evening, I was asked a lot of things like I usually am, but then as I was having a fibro fog attack, it happened that in the middle of the sentence I lost the clue of what I was saying and I could not fix it anyhow so I had to say that I had a black-out... it happened twice.... with a condition like this, it is always risky to do things that are included in my work like meetings where you have to answer a lot of questions and usually don't know beforehand what you will be asked about – and things like MC:ing festivities, feasts, celebrations, other occasions and such...
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Here is the chat about fibro fog:

it is something you have when you have fibro, it comes in attacks and it is called brain for or fibro fog.... a "colleague" fibromite calls it fibrosmog.... anyway.... i think it is what it sounds like, your head filled with some damn fog which just prevents you from thinking logically and from doing things, from being systematical and well.... makes you feeel like you suddenly have a strange idiot in the place of your own brain....

it usually comes with pain attacks - not always - but i have no pains now and i still ahve it...

it is only awful as long as it lasts and it goes by, i know.... and anyway this is not so bad... because i know what is wrong..... the worst is when i have it and i dont knnow it because then i feel really lost until rikard tells me what is wrong.... that it is not me gone mad suddenly or something

it just needs a lot of concentration to get anything sensible out and typed right..... i was typing simple greetings here in between to a few people, nothing much but a few sentences,... and i had to check them letter by letter because i tend to type just whatever, words that dont mean anything because i just dont hit right