Knocked out by pain

Awful night. I am just waiting for that I will be knocked unconscious by the pain. I will, soon, because I cannot stand this out.

Severe flare

I have been back to work this week. It was a complete chaos there. It seems no one of my employees can behave if I am not there and it feels hard. Both that work full time had created enough problems... I try to see it is their problems, and not to involve myself. Still it was hard to bear, mentally.

Today is Saturday, it is week-end and I have been counting days to it. It has been an awful day. I was yelling all around (haha, I can't behave either) and did not know why, until I started to get achy and stiff... Have been rebooting the washing machine all day and there is no end to it in sight. Did some minor organizing and dusting and a lot of folding laundry... and now I am so much in pain that it is unbearable. My God... I did not remember it was like this. I have been too busy or too exhausted to post anything on my blog this past week although there'd have been lots of positive things to post - and now it is like this, I have only negative things to tell.

Something like a miracle happened too. I got a phone call from my mother, she told me to call someone who was worried about my late brother's house being torn by vandalists. I did call him, and he asked if he could go and fix the door which has been damaged, and even more - if his son could go and cut the grass that was growing wild there, definitely showing everyone that the place was not inhabited. What was even more, he said he'd be interested in buying it. It is amazing. It is not even for sale yet, and we already have two potential buyers interested in it. Because another person is too. She has been fooling me though, not giving the right information about things, hiding this and that and not keeping what has been agreed upon... I don't like such behavior. She thinks that because I am not from the area, she can tell me what she pleases. Last time she tried to make me believe that no one else would be interested in the house, that it would not be so very expensive because of the neighbors (!) - well I know something else. Also my instinct has been right about her all the time, I can see it now.

Last Sunday at church, all the texts were about healing. It was very comforting. Also a sister said, almost a year ago, that I needed not worry about finances, according to my late brother's belongings, that God already had a solution. Now I see light, for the first time after his death. Maybe it is not so hopeless anyway. That sister was sure of a solution after she had praid. She was a total stranger to me but I remember this.

By dinner, I took all the pain killers I had. Now it is starting to feel a bit easier. I hope there will be a relief tonight. It was starting to feel so bad that I was not sure if I could make it. I have been really off the rail today. It is not a good feeling.

I am sorry it is so dark today for me. I hope and believe you are having it easier.

Flare days

Severe, difficult, extremely painful flare days, one after another. This morning it feels that the pain killers together with a weak dose of Lyrica ease the pain to some extend but not completely. On the other hand, I did not try to get dressed before 10 am., and I am doing no exercising either. I'd need excercising for diabetes and weight loss but life is eternal balancing. These days excercising just makes me feel so much worse that I cannot believe I profit anything from it. There was a time when I went through very thorough and heavy exams all over my body and functions due to severe blood cell production problem. No fault was found, no cancer, nothing. My doctor's opinion was that the pains I felt messed up everything. It all normalized when I could use Lyrica and it helped to eliminate, or ease, the pain (because it was not completely away all the time). Now the pain is back and I am afraid it will all start all over again. I cannot use the maximum dose of Lyrica anymore because it makes asthma get much worse. When I have halved the dose now it probably helps, I don't know - anyway the feelings of pain that are left are enough to make me call it severe, burning, rough, desperate, whatever. I tolerate it because I have no alternative. Otherwise I'd call it unbearable.

Fibro Flare

Unable to write a proper post although there'd be so much to write about. I am really seriously in pain and nothing helps. This is probably the worst flare I have been having for ages. I cannot do a simple thing, and I hurt incredibly much all over. Why must Lyrica make asthma symptoms worse so that I cannot use it? So far nothing else has helped so much (or at all). Twitter seems to have severe security problem (?) - blah.

Flare

December 13th, 2007

Having a flare. Those with FMS know what I am talking about. Incredible pain and ache all over - seemingly not to be eased by any kind of pain killers. Took a coctail of them - all prescription meds - at 4 a.m. and thought it would get me going by the morning but it did not - I see no difference which means that either they do not hit the point - or then the intensity of the pain has increased all the time.

For some time - a couple of days - I had sort of an "aura" telling this would be coming, but it was so unlike the usual brain fog that I could not interpret it. I knew and felt something was wrong with me but I did not know what it was. Usually that brain fog lasts for a short time, a couple of hours max, and then comes the flare, and during the brain fog I can't find words, can't communicate properly, may forget simpliest things - but when the pain comes, the fog goes. Now it was different: I felt I was like a string that was about to split off, or break. A friend of mine said he saw I was angry or really nervous. I was. And it lasted for DAYS! Then I felt the tension went to muscles... though stiff muscles are just part of the flare. And now at night came the intensive pain. I had to give up. I did not go to work today. I was happy I had no appointments for today. Couldn't start the car... Can't hold a key in my hands, not to talk about driving - all know that driving of mine: 1 hour+ to work, another+ back...

How after 12 years with this disorder, it still can surprise me!

Not a dull life ----- ?