The motto of the day is here

Found the motto for the day. God bless Martin Luther King Jr. who is the age of my mother and would have been 81 yesterday if he had lived. My Twitter account has lots of quotes from him from yesterday but this I found (in Twitter) first now in the evening:

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." MLK
I have always admired MLK jr - he did an amazing job and left such an ethic inheritance to all of us to carry on. It looks as though my contemplating through the day would have been preparing to read these words and to understand that it is there - why I am doing all this. Why I am going through this. Why I don't see light, why I face disappointments. I have been given the precious gift of life. I will be given the strength and energy to go through it, find light, get positive, make people around me feel good. Maybe it is my time to receive now. To rest in love that carries, and to receive what I am given, and feel grateful.

God - help me fulfil the task I have been given, with your help because self I cannot do it. Bless everyone around me and if you can, use me for doing so; I am here.

Amen.

Sorry

Why is it that I feel I should apologize for annoying people with illness issues I write on my blog? I don't apologize anyway because this is an illness blog as I have stated. Reading is voluntary: those who are interested, read. And nowadays, honestly, with all these problems and feelings around them and everything... I just cannot focus on much else. Today I am trying to overcome my deep disappointment for not being able to cut down on steroids as planned. But every medicine I take now is essential for my life and in the end I am now struggling to keep alive so I just have to take what is essential. If I cannot live without something, I take it. It is as simple as that.

More than anything I value my family who wholeheartedly support me all the way. More than anything I value my true friends who stay with me because now very many take distance. They may as well go. I have today cleaned some of my sites from contacts that I did not anymore consider worth while. I have said goodbye to a dear (former) friend who has more interesting things going on in his life and things so well he does not need me anymore. That is life, and i try not to feel sad but relieved.

I have blocked people from IM / chat to be available for those who are true friends and don't play games and have fun with other people.

I trust that God is not leaving me alone. I also appreciate my colleagues who today have been in touch after a long silence. I was already thinking I was not even missed but yes I am - they needed to ask things from me, talk with me, hear my opinion... feels good.

I wish to get well enough to be there for my family, and not to be the kind of zombie I have been today. Today this was all I could do. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day - after all, I am back to the original dose of steroids so it could be. But to what price...

When do I need professional help to overcome all these emotions and frustrations? Will writing about them be enough? What could I do? Write an e-book? Why not, to myself... Blogs, social media etc are after all so fragmentary and sometimes I feel I'd need to process text which has length and cronology and which would be stilisized before publishing.

My Pidgin contacts list looks odd now as I have reorganized it to serve my needs better. I will get used to it.

Depressed, happy, depressed....

No matter how I reason and try to be brave, I cannot help feeling depressed about having to be on steroids again - and looking out of the window and knowing that without special equipment, the out-door air would kill me. Have been shopping with my daughters today and I feel good that I can do it, that I still have income and can take care of their needs, and mine, and my husband's... Lots of wonderful things have happened today and yesterday and I want to say thanks to all of you who recognize yourselves here. You make the difference in my life. Yet there are people who seem to think that I cannot see through lies, and that I don't recognize indifferent attitude when I face one, even if it is masked. That I am ill does not mean that I am an idiot, or somehow immune to indifference. I am not. I could even tell I am nore sensitive than normally, recognize more nuances than I normally do. I pay attention to both good and bad things, and feel deeper about both. Perhaps this disease and this difficult situation was given to me to be able to see clearly - to be able to see who is the real friend and who is ready to let me down, for whatever reason.

Read Sarah's Fibro Poem

Read Sarah's fibro poem on http://sarahbear9708.blogspot.com/

It is a wonderful poem, it tells what we all so oftern want to say and what so many needs to know! Thanks Sarah for sharing it!