Swine flu, continued

HAd a couple of days tough time. Completely exhausted, had to stay in bed and could not do just anything. Coughed my lungs out. Stayed awake one night due to breathing problems. Had some kind of culmination last night, a sort of a physical feeling added with a thought of the easiness of giving up. I felt that I had come to the point where I could perhaps decide the direction to take: give up and get worse, or reach for overcoming the disease. I have never felt it so clearly before, but this feeling was also physical and it was tangible.

This morning my wonderful husband hugged me and said that I feel better. How did he know, just by hugging me? Blessings of having been married for so long! I love it! Today my temperature has been normal with the strong meds I have. Today I have been sweating every time I do something, eating included. Today I have felt hungry for the first time in days. Today I have been strong enough to take a shower. I have been talking in the phone - part of my voice back, and still coughing my lungs out. Last night I could sleep again. I was woken up by asthma and coughing but it did not make me frightened. I still feel frustrated and useless and I struggle to accept those feelings and the fact that I am useless and can't be anything else right now. I have also felt touched many times today - by kindness and caring. I have heard words that I will treasure in my heart. I have been crying a lot, for all good reasons possible. People talk to me in a kind, soft voice... why, actually? Do I feel and look so ill really? But this is a tough disease. I wish I will overcome it without any further harm. There are people who pray for me - and that touches my heart really a lot.