Collapsed

I think I sort of collapsed this morning when driving to work. There is so much going on now, everywhere, and the last days have been chaotic - and I am happy there is my own family and some good friends too... because work is a madhouse. Someone has unbound the devil and let it harrass here quite freely so it feels... there are police investigations, people fighting each other, newspapers running here, and writing something about it each and every day...  and everything is in a mess....  for months, and months, I have struggled to keep going in spite of the even worse situation all around me though I feel it is all tearing even me apart... I have tried to concentrate in my own work and do just that and leave everything else but lately when things have been taking the wrong course even in my field due to that devil messing freely all around, I have had to take action and at times I feel that  I am head over heels diving into it too...  anyway I just, like, got all which is going on in all these  fields or branches and all the evilness and all emotions connected to it, like poured on me - it was an overwhelming feeling ... added with everything good that is going on too ... and I just felt like crying over it alltogether. I can't really even explain it all. But it is so at work nowadays that I feel I have to use all my mental capacity to balance between everything - my tasks, and the overall situation - my intentions, and the whole ship having no course at all - my devotion and love to my work and the hatred there is all around which seems to pull everything to trash... this prostitution of democracy which is culminating into mutual accusations... this awful parody of caring about the municipality and its people... I have never seen anything like this. I cannot describe it in any other way than that it is the devil having been unbound. There is no dignity, nothing... just pure evilness. I'd  just like to cry out that I cannot stand it anymore... goodness, my CLIENTS come here and wonder how I have the strength to go on here and I get THEIR sympathy because of the situation...

 

Okey... I don't think I have been talking much about work this past year but it has been like this all the time. I thought it could not get worse but it has got a lot worse and I don't even see any end of it... and I am so ashamed too though it is not me and nothing has anything to do with me or my doings but anyway...