Pain is here (fragments of thoughts during a pain flare)

Pain is here (fragments of thoughts during a pain flare)

I have heard something important
Something I need to repeat
Pain is not ennobling
Pain does not make me into a better person
Pain is intolerable

It just is here
Without any meaning
It is tearing me apart
It is making me impatient

It is closing everything outside
It is closing everybody outside
It is here, keeping me totally for itself

Even though I need comfort
I cannot ask for it
I never find words

Even though I need encouragement
I cannot ask for it either
I never know what to say

Even though I need company
I get impatient on everyone
I throw everybody out
And then I am angry
When they go

Pain is here
And whenever it is here
I know it means loneliness
Complete solitude
Everybody else is out
And I cannot get close to anyone

This pain goes beyond words
When it is here
I can hardly say I am in pain
No words come out if I try

Pain is here and my body feels lost and alone
It is here
And even my heart and soul
are bound to loneliness
feel completely lost too.

And the only company there is
Is pain