Valuable suffering

When we think of pain, and other suffering, we tend to think that it should be eliminated. That it is not really life but something extra that does not belong to life at all. And that we would be better off, life would be better, we would be happier without it. Right?

Wrong. Suffering is part of life. Suffering is a VALUABLE part of life. I am now talking about merely suffering which is caused by illness... for simplicity, I exclude all suffering which is caused by inhuman actions against our fellow human beings, violence in its every aspect, be it how small or how big ever, and be it physical, or mental.

We tend to think that if we suffer, we are not whole human beings. We think that suffering makes us less valuable. This is how much we adore things like health, youth, sanity. Like nazis. Our way to think about suffering resembles of discrimination nazis used in their Reich. Our adoring youth, health, painfree being - is what nazis did too.

I must be working on this thought to make it real in my own life and in my own attitude. Less suffering is perhaps an easier way to live but it is not a more valuable way to live. That I am often in pain does not mean that my life is not valuable. Or that it is not as real, or as much life, as it would be without pain. Pain causes suffering. Sometimes it causes more suffering than I think I can take. Still, those painfilled moments are precisely as valuable as painfree moments. They are as much life. They are as valuable part of life. I am as valuable in those moments than I am in any other moment. Life is as much worth while on those moments as it is when it is easier.

Even being disabled (in my case) by pain, physically, or by brain fog, mentally, is a valuable part of my life. When I think back of the moments of disability and those people who have wittnessed it and their reactions - to see how great people they are, how well they take it, how equal to themselves they talk to me, how loving, caring and kind they are, to know that my life and I have been blessed by these truly great people - it is worth all suffering. Compared to that, suffering means nothing at all. Seen in this context, suffering becomes a thing that makes life rich. I could have found out the greatness of all those peole also otherwise, but I am not so sure about it. Suffering has been a blessing. It will continue to be so.

I am not saying that life with suffering is MORE valuable than life without suffering. It is still allowed and possible to pray for relief. Relief is a good thing. But if there is no relief, life is still good, I am still alive, I am still a feeling human being, I am still the same me than I am without pain. When I talk about pain, I am not talking about it as something apart from my life. I am talking about my life, such as it is. Sometimes pain is all I can talk about because it is so overwhelming. Sometimes I can talk about other things too.

Pain and suffering is not the only thing that matters in my life either, and getting painfreee is not the only need I have. I have the same basic needs that everybody has: I need love, care, affection, acceptance, I need to be fed, I need to be sexually satisfied, I need food for thought, I need faith, I need good friends, my family, work, hobbies... and I need to talk about all things in life although in my case pain is what is the most dominating thing very often. It does not exclude all other things though.

It is perhaps easier to show love and caring by wishing that I was painfree, that I was well. It is more demanding to show love and caring knowing and accepting that I will never be any better but that I can get worse. This is as much true for myself as it is for my near ones.

To accept suffering as a valuable, good part of life, something that is worth while and that makes life rich, is perhaps a lifetime task for me and my dear ones. But even the learning process can be a blessing. I have the feeling that many of my loved ones are a lot ahead of me in that process. I have the feeling that many times they love me more than I love myself.