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October 8th, 2007
The wonderful thing about blogs is that I may write what I do, think and feel, and in case I would be absent for someone it is possible that here my news are to be seen anyway - but no one ever has to read this. So it is not my responsibility, it is the reader's - whether one wants to know or not. Because I don't tell all miserabilities in e-mails - e-mails are my responsibility somehow.Was to lab today. I have been postponing and postponing it... because I don't want to know the results. I thought this little harmless painful disaster of a disorder (rheuma) would not kill me. I thought it was not life-threatening. Now anyway my doctor suspects it is causing severe things here and there in my body... I know I live with it all the time but I don't want to think about it. And odd or not, it has felt that as long as I don't have the tests taken, I don't have to think about it.
Now anyway I had them taken and all right.... it has not been any good day - all the miserabilities this disorder can cause but then - I was shopping after work and when I came out .... what I saw was nearest awful for my condition - a landscape completely darkened by thick rain clouds - and heavy rain just about starting... suddenly I decided not to die just yet! That is a joke of course - but anyway it is incredible how most awful things can make you feel good. Get some psych-something to explain it, I can't - to me it is just funny and very handy.
I was asked what I will do with all that time now that I have finished the "big" (haha) writing work. What time? Looking at this week's schedule.... where is the Time? So... all goes its usual way, I rush from one thing to another... and somehow, in a strange way, even feel good about it. Don't have to think or explain to anyone so much about how I am or how I feel.
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