Posts
One of the medicines I use has been drawn from the market. I got a letter today from my pharmacy telling about it. Its risks were considered too big. I took the label of the medicine box to read about it, about the side effects, and there were only two: depression, and self-destructive behavior. Well - I have been down, maybe even depressed, at times, and I mentioned about it to my husband, wondering if it would have been a side effect of the medication. He said I have had enough in my life lately to cause depression. It felt wonderful somehow. That he said it, just like that - means that he has noticed it, and he is still here, by my side, not taking it as a big issue. At least I have told about my feelings to him when they have come. I have felt sometimes that I feel someone else's feelings - that I am so sad that I am not so sad really, that I cannot be so sad, not me. ALso when I felt I'd like just to go away, walk away till I disappear totally - it felt like it was not me. I am quitting the medication and I hope it will improve my mood too. Though it IS right that there have well been other reasons to feel upset and sad and depressed, or whatever.
I have a wonderful husband.
I feel I need a lot of sleep.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Reformation Day
Most Protestant Christians observe Reformation Day in honor of Martin Luther and other Christians who removed false doctrine and destructive practices from the Christian church.
This is the Day of Reformation. Here a few links to articles about Martin Luther, the Reformator of our Chrurch and belief:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther
http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/guestvoices/2008/10/oct_31_haunted_by_luthers_hope.html
http://www.luther.de/en/
http://www.pbs.org/empires/martinluther/
http://www.mb-soft.com/believe/txc/luther.htm
http://www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/wittenberg/wittenberg-luther.html
http://www.greatsite.com/timeline-english-bible-history/martin-luther.html
http://www.iep.utm.edu/l/luther.htm
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Stomach disease
Feel really weak and unsure due to stomach disease that has hit me today. Met wonderful handicraft people today at work, and talked to the lawyer who had not got any answer from the insurance company like I had not either. .... He will have the declaration made by tomorrow and I will have a meeting with him in the afternoon. Then we should head to mother's but I don't know about that really. Mother is ill, virus flu - I am not well - we will be tired to drive all night... I really don't know. The only reason to go is that there will be the memorial service to all who died this year, in the church to the graveyard of which my brother is buried. My God if I'd be able to make the right decision...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
After a long silence
It has been a long silence in writing. There were also some technical difficulties in posting recently, I could not get my posts published by any means.
I have had some very painful days here... but also good days. And days have been good... if I don't count the mess after my brother's death... I sometimes have the feeling that it will never end really... that I will live with it all my life... of course it is not so, and probably and most likely things are not as bad as I think... we'll see.
A friend of mine got inspired by the photos I had taken, and painted a few of them. One was especially wonderful, and it got sold from his home immediately. He said he had thought of giving it to me, and I joked that in that case he ends up painting a new one for me. I received it yesterday, together with a bottle of wine which has already become a joke between us - I did not believe he'd go to drink wine after Ramadan so he said he'd send me a bottle of it... it came yesterday, wrapped in the painting... a wonderful one... a marvelous one...
The painting may be inspired by the sunrise photos I had taken but it has nothing to do with them in that it is not a picture of a picture. There is that same color, orange, and then there is a terrace or something, very unfinished, like it would not be there at all in reality... an idea of it... and there are two spirals, orange ones, coming each from its side of the canvas, like reaching to each other but slightly bending aside before touching... and there is glow around these two spirals which actually look like some plants... I love this painting, I really do!
I have been to pool gym, I am happy I have got it done already for a few weeks in a row! Woow go me!
My youngest daughter has had her birthday, she is 11 now. There was lots of talk about her birth, she asked a lot of questions, again.
I started to study, at work, online, about some complicated formalities. I wish I will be wiser after the course is over! I have never attended online studying, it is a new experience. I have made my profile and gone through all mail that has been delivered till now, that is all so far. But I am thrilled! It feels great to study again!
Had a feeling about a friend of mine yesterday,that something was going on. I did not know what it was. Today I received a mail from her husband, telling she has been operated. So that was it. I pray the Lord that her disease will be gone now. Anyone of you others there who may read this, please pray for her too. She had cancer. Please pray for her complete recovery.
Last Sunday at church I suddenly realized something which has felt great ever since. We always pray for those who take care of governing and common things and such. I have always thought it is someone else. Last Sunday I realized that hey - it is me too - and my husband as well. What a HUGE thing that I am doing such a work that the entire church prays for me, and has always prayed for me, every Sunday! Thanks, Lord! How blessed and privileged I feel!
I feel that I have forgotten something but.. in case I have , there will be a new posting soon!
I have had some very painful days here... but also good days. And days have been good... if I don't count the mess after my brother's death... I sometimes have the feeling that it will never end really... that I will live with it all my life... of course it is not so, and probably and most likely things are not as bad as I think... we'll see.
A friend of mine got inspired by the photos I had taken, and painted a few of them. One was especially wonderful, and it got sold from his home immediately. He said he had thought of giving it to me, and I joked that in that case he ends up painting a new one for me. I received it yesterday, together with a bottle of wine which has already become a joke between us - I did not believe he'd go to drink wine after Ramadan so he said he'd send me a bottle of it... it came yesterday, wrapped in the painting... a wonderful one... a marvelous one...
The painting may be inspired by the sunrise photos I had taken but it has nothing to do with them in that it is not a picture of a picture. There is that same color, orange, and then there is a terrace or something, very unfinished, like it would not be there at all in reality... an idea of it... and there are two spirals, orange ones, coming each from its side of the canvas, like reaching to each other but slightly bending aside before touching... and there is glow around these two spirals which actually look like some plants... I love this painting, I really do!
I have been to pool gym, I am happy I have got it done already for a few weeks in a row! Woow go me!
My youngest daughter has had her birthday, she is 11 now. There was lots of talk about her birth, she asked a lot of questions, again.
I started to study, at work, online, about some complicated formalities. I wish I will be wiser after the course is over! I have never attended online studying, it is a new experience. I have made my profile and gone through all mail that has been delivered till now, that is all so far. But I am thrilled! It feels great to study again!
Had a feeling about a friend of mine yesterday,that something was going on. I did not know what it was. Today I received a mail from her husband, telling she has been operated. So that was it. I pray the Lord that her disease will be gone now. Anyone of you others there who may read this, please pray for her too. She had cancer. Please pray for her complete recovery.
Last Sunday at church I suddenly realized something which has felt great ever since. We always pray for those who take care of governing and common things and such. I have always thought it is someone else. Last Sunday I realized that hey - it is me too - and my husband as well. What a HUGE thing that I am doing such a work that the entire church prays for me, and has always prayed for me, every Sunday! Thanks, Lord! How blessed and privileged I feel!
I feel that I have forgotten something but.. in case I have , there will be a new posting soon!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday
I woke up three hours before the church time to be able to go to the church. Again darling husband is a great support as he comes with me so it is easier to get going. Anyway, as yesterday was a bad day (in that I was achy and stiff) and it was supposed to continue today, I had to take the medication in time to get going. And we got going in time! The sermon was about forgiving, reminding of important things like what we keep unforgiven here will be unforvine in heaven, and what we release as forgiven here will be forgiven in heaven - this just OBLIGES us to forgive EVERYTHING here on earth, and well... got an answer to what I reply to that cynical guy - I can love him as such - he may be cynical and if I get hurt sometimes - all right, there is that magic forgiving thing which makes me forget too. Thinking about the wonderful gift of forgiving that we have got - first received forgiving from God and then been blessed with the ability and obligation to forgive each other - has made me happy during the entire day. Smiling is a wonderful gift too.
There was a bee in church. I am terribly afraid of them - heard from one of my brother's friends that he was as insanely afraid of them as I am, which was something I did not know! - and with my luck it was really interested in me! Dear husband wifted it off, and luckily nothing happened, other than that everyone certainly noticed... The organist played a wonderful improvisation to finish the sermon, everyone was smiling if not even laughing after having heard that, the vicar included. Wonderful feeling of happiness and togetherness too! :)
After church I dedicated myself to folding and putting away the laundry. There was lots of it, and a lot of sheets too. I ended up organizing the linen wardrobe because it was messy. I folded many sheets with my son and it went ok, much easier than doing it all myself. Got also the wardrobe organized, and really all the laundry folded and put away.
The rest of the day I spent baking. This time, it all succeeded. It has been long since I baked the last time because with my new equipmewnt I just did not succeed, and I got frustrated.
My elder daughter has been washing laundry today, and also cleaning at home. The youngest organized the hall. And the son has been vacuuming, in the sauna, in the stairs... It feels good when everyone does his or her share.
Darling husband went shopping several times today - it is not a normal shopping day so finding a shop that is open demands some driving. He went anyway because I needed this and that for baking. I think I have a saint as a husband! He also cooked the dinner... we had it a bit crowded in the kitchen when everything was on the way but we managed!
Tomorrow morning I will go to the lawyer to have the declaration done - the one of my brother's. I don't know if it will be all right with one session, I hope it will but it is complicated. I must still do some preparations tonight, and it is getting late.
There was a bee in church. I am terribly afraid of them - heard from one of my brother's friends that he was as insanely afraid of them as I am, which was something I did not know! - and with my luck it was really interested in me! Dear husband wifted it off, and luckily nothing happened, other than that everyone certainly noticed... The organist played a wonderful improvisation to finish the sermon, everyone was smiling if not even laughing after having heard that, the vicar included. Wonderful feeling of happiness and togetherness too! :)
After church I dedicated myself to folding and putting away the laundry. There was lots of it, and a lot of sheets too. I ended up organizing the linen wardrobe because it was messy. I folded many sheets with my son and it went ok, much easier than doing it all myself. Got also the wardrobe organized, and really all the laundry folded and put away.
The rest of the day I spent baking. This time, it all succeeded. It has been long since I baked the last time because with my new equipmewnt I just did not succeed, and I got frustrated.
My elder daughter has been washing laundry today, and also cleaning at home. The youngest organized the hall. And the son has been vacuuming, in the sauna, in the stairs... It feels good when everyone does his or her share.
Darling husband went shopping several times today - it is not a normal shopping day so finding a shop that is open demands some driving. He went anyway because I needed this and that for baking. I think I have a saint as a husband! He also cooked the dinner... we had it a bit crowded in the kitchen when everything was on the way but we managed!
Tomorrow morning I will go to the lawyer to have the declaration done - the one of my brother's. I don't know if it will be all right with one session, I hope it will but it is complicated. I must still do some preparations tonight, and it is getting late.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Health issues, theatre
Friday
First thing in the morning, the elder daughter had appointment with her asthma nurse. She has had problems with asthma now during the autumn and she is on Singulair now, she has also been on Flixotide. Now the situation seems to be pretty good but it has been worse and we therefore contacted the nurse. She has already seen the local allrounder-doctor twice (hence the medication). She did the spirometer tests with normal results and got then the manual meter home to do the measurings here too - for one week if the results are okey, and for two weeks if not. She has been growing, she was about 2 cm taller than when the school nurse measured her a while ago. She has also been on a programme established by the school nurse, adding one new food each week to her diet. We think that is good but she is eating just minimum amounts. Anyway that is a start. But since her eating and somehow I think also speech was getting worse we were already considering contacting teh clinic that operated her throat - to make sure there would not be any renewal of the operation in question.
Then, I had my 50-year appointment with the district nurse. Blood sugar 4 (excellent), blood pressure first about 150 / 90 which was high but she said it would come down - and we waited and chatted and then it was measured again and it was 130 / 80 which was good too. What else? Hb yes. It has caused problems but it is not as hopeless anymore. now it was about a little bit over 120 which is acceptable. Shows not anything about the blood cell reserves which is the real problem though. But I am on treatment and although it takes time it will be all right - I hope! But there was a long period when nothing with my blood cells reacted with treatments. ANyway I am happy I don't have to go to the hospital for treatment. It would have harder side effects than those I may have now.
And then she took proofs for gynecological cancers but she said it looked perfectly clean. The results will arrive home. This is nothing to worry about though, it is routine.
All my vacccinations were ok so I got none. I have just finished a 3-shot series against Hepatite B - which I had to take separately because I had taken a series for Hepatite A already and now the other family received Hepatite A+B, a combination vaccin against both hepatites so I decided to take the B - so that I would have the same cover as the other family has. B is usually infected venerically so taking it was a bit embarrassing but the nurse who gave the 2nd shot said it can be received through blood transfusion too so I am in a great risk in case something happens because I am so soon in need of extra blood - because I have no reserves. That is why I have my health records with me when I drive the car. Husband wanted to have the family vaccinated for Hepatites before we went to Morocco - and next winter, God permitting, we will have a vacation in Tunisia - and one of the family is a diabetic who also needs better cover with vaccins.
What else happened yesterday?
We went to theatre with husband, he had organized the tickets. It is worth mentioning. There is no theatre in our home town so when we go to theatre it means driving 100 km back and forth - north, south or north-east. This time it was north. I enjoy going out with dear darling husband - he is so polite, considerate and kind. I feel really treated when he opens the doors for me, drives the car, gets the programme for me, escorts me in the stairs and all that... and when we go for a coffee before we drive home. Fantastic. I also enjoy wearing make-up and those jewelries he has given to me. And festive clothes too of course. And the theatre in itself - just so enjoyable!
Saturday
Today we went to vote in beforehand, the real voting day is next week sunday. We will not be here to vote then. It is the municipal election.
The youngest girl has problems with blood glucose, it just stays high and does not come down. Today she fell asleep on the sofa and frightened me to death, I thought she had hypoglycemia - but she was just sleeping. She then went to sleep in her own bed, after I ahd given her extra insulin - she slept 4 hours and now she has gone downstairs. It is possible that she has slept too little, it has become a battle to get kids to bed at night. Yesterday we came home at 11 p.m. and the girls were awake and had no intention to go to bed (but did as we told them to) - our son always sleeps well and long enough!
It is time for bed time routine - heels work because I have stayed in the bathroom long enough to actually DO all the cleaning and moisturizing I am worth! LOL!
Got a mail which was very cynical about things that I had revealed were important to me. It ahs made me think a lot about cynicism and what kind of an attitude it is towards life. With that kind of attitude you can destroy all enthusiasm and everything else too. Think of having a cynical guest over in your house. How long would you take that attitude: Yea of coourse that is some sort of food but..... yea you can of course call that a bed if you like... is this your idea of a family life (i just wonder but...) and so on. What destruction we spread around being cynical! What is the use of pointing out everything someone possibly has not done, or succeeded in, if there are things we can tell he or she has succeeded in, is good at, and so on? Why spread destruction when we can spread encouragement and happiness? I am not for cynicism, really not. I just wonder what to respond to him.
Today, we went for a walk with husband. Without him, I would not have dared go so long. I am afraid of my muscles getting frozen while I go and then I could not get back - having him with me gives me more confidence in myself. All went fine but I was terribly achy when we got back, muscles got frozen and they still are... now in the evening I took all possible pain killers in addition to Lyrica, again... I am sorry it is that way but I'd like to keep moving anyway...
First thing in the morning, the elder daughter had appointment with her asthma nurse. She has had problems with asthma now during the autumn and she is on Singulair now, she has also been on Flixotide. Now the situation seems to be pretty good but it has been worse and we therefore contacted the nurse. She has already seen the local allrounder-doctor twice (hence the medication). She did the spirometer tests with normal results and got then the manual meter home to do the measurings here too - for one week if the results are okey, and for two weeks if not. She has been growing, she was about 2 cm taller than when the school nurse measured her a while ago. She has also been on a programme established by the school nurse, adding one new food each week to her diet. We think that is good but she is eating just minimum amounts. Anyway that is a start. But since her eating and somehow I think also speech was getting worse we were already considering contacting teh clinic that operated her throat - to make sure there would not be any renewal of the operation in question.
Then, I had my 50-year appointment with the district nurse. Blood sugar 4 (excellent), blood pressure first about 150 / 90 which was high but she said it would come down - and we waited and chatted and then it was measured again and it was 130 / 80 which was good too. What else? Hb yes. It has caused problems but it is not as hopeless anymore. now it was about a little bit over 120 which is acceptable. Shows not anything about the blood cell reserves which is the real problem though. But I am on treatment and although it takes time it will be all right - I hope! But there was a long period when nothing with my blood cells reacted with treatments. ANyway I am happy I don't have to go to the hospital for treatment. It would have harder side effects than those I may have now.
And then she took proofs for gynecological cancers but she said it looked perfectly clean. The results will arrive home. This is nothing to worry about though, it is routine.
All my vacccinations were ok so I got none. I have just finished a 3-shot series against Hepatite B - which I had to take separately because I had taken a series for Hepatite A already and now the other family received Hepatite A+B, a combination vaccin against both hepatites so I decided to take the B - so that I would have the same cover as the other family has. B is usually infected venerically so taking it was a bit embarrassing but the nurse who gave the 2nd shot said it can be received through blood transfusion too so I am in a great risk in case something happens because I am so soon in need of extra blood - because I have no reserves. That is why I have my health records with me when I drive the car. Husband wanted to have the family vaccinated for Hepatites before we went to Morocco - and next winter, God permitting, we will have a vacation in Tunisia - and one of the family is a diabetic who also needs better cover with vaccins.
What else happened yesterday?
We went to theatre with husband, he had organized the tickets. It is worth mentioning. There is no theatre in our home town so when we go to theatre it means driving 100 km back and forth - north, south or north-east. This time it was north. I enjoy going out with dear darling husband - he is so polite, considerate and kind. I feel really treated when he opens the doors for me, drives the car, gets the programme for me, escorts me in the stairs and all that... and when we go for a coffee before we drive home. Fantastic. I also enjoy wearing make-up and those jewelries he has given to me. And festive clothes too of course. And the theatre in itself - just so enjoyable!
Saturday
Today we went to vote in beforehand, the real voting day is next week sunday. We will not be here to vote then. It is the municipal election.
The youngest girl has problems with blood glucose, it just stays high and does not come down. Today she fell asleep on the sofa and frightened me to death, I thought she had hypoglycemia - but she was just sleeping. She then went to sleep in her own bed, after I ahd given her extra insulin - she slept 4 hours and now she has gone downstairs. It is possible that she has slept too little, it has become a battle to get kids to bed at night. Yesterday we came home at 11 p.m. and the girls were awake and had no intention to go to bed (but did as we told them to) - our son always sleeps well and long enough!
It is time for bed time routine - heels work because I have stayed in the bathroom long enough to actually DO all the cleaning and moisturizing I am worth! LOL!
Got a mail which was very cynical about things that I had revealed were important to me. It ahs made me think a lot about cynicism and what kind of an attitude it is towards life. With that kind of attitude you can destroy all enthusiasm and everything else too. Think of having a cynical guest over in your house. How long would you take that attitude: Yea of coourse that is some sort of food but..... yea you can of course call that a bed if you like... is this your idea of a family life (i just wonder but...) and so on. What destruction we spread around being cynical! What is the use of pointing out everything someone possibly has not done, or succeeded in, if there are things we can tell he or she has succeeded in, is good at, and so on? Why spread destruction when we can spread encouragement and happiness? I am not for cynicism, really not. I just wonder what to respond to him.
Today, we went for a walk with husband. Without him, I would not have dared go so long. I am afraid of my muscles getting frozen while I go and then I could not get back - having him with me gives me more confidence in myself. All went fine but I was terribly achy when we got back, muscles got frozen and they still are... now in the evening I took all possible pain killers in addition to Lyrica, again... I am sorry it is that way but I'd like to keep moving anyway...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Pampering mission
Before bed, I must still tell about the pampering mission for the week, I have just read it from internet from a site of household tasks which I follow - or try to follow. The pampering mission for this week was to wear a nice night gown, or a beautiful one, or a romantic one, and some nice hair accessory too, and heels, when doing the evening routine - cleaning face and neck, moisturizing and doing everything else that means, "I am loving myself and taking good care of me". That had actually never occurred to me - that dressing beautifully and perhaps even wearing heels would make the difference but I think they do. I will try tonight, so maybe I can even get the moisturizing part done properly. Usually I quit. But why not take it as something I am worth, something I have time for, something I enjoy!
Pool gym, hand warmers
So I did not post anything yesterday although I thought it was a significant day. What was nice was that one of the chiefs on our town hall said to me that I run so fast in my Indian poncho that he does not catch me. Means that I have been able to move briskly, which feels great. Often I feel the opposite.
I also went to pool gym which was well done and I am proud of myself. Heard that I have still 8 times already paid for. Even better.
Then I took a few of my brother's "better" clothes to the laundry. They were very dirty after the fire but perhaps, if they can get cleaned, my son can use them and we don't have to invest a fortune in his suit, for example. He now wears his father's wedding suit, which is pretty well his size.
Then I ALSO went to a shop which sells all kinds of medical accessories - eye glasses and much more. I bought a pair of merino- wool gloves that only have half of the fingers part. I am wearing them even now. What is so bad is that I know I have a pair already but I don't know where it is and I have not found it. But it is autumn now and I need them, I am starting to feel sooooooo cold again.
AND still I went to haunt for the "perfect" Bible. It should be like my old ones are, but the newer translation. It should also have space to write notes on beside the text. And I thought I'd find one in the biggest book store in town. But I did not. I got the new translation though. I think I must order one from an association which prints Bibles. I am a member so I can get discount, even. And they are making that kind of Bibles I like to use.
AND I went to the pharmacy to get medication for my blood problem - which seems to be getting better. Only my medication had got old and I had not used it since - now I bought replacement because the product I have been using is no more sold.
All that meant really a lot of walking, according to my standards - and then I was still in a hurry to go to an info to the personnel. We were told we will all l be needed in the future too, whatever the future will be.
I was achy as I don't know what after all that rushing and walking around in the town but I was so proud of myself for finally accomplishing what I have had in mind for weeks. I have had those stinky clothes from the fire in my car for weeks and weeks, waiting for me to take them to the laundry - now they don't stink there any more.
Today, my husband had his car repair work finished, which took him several hours as he had to drive 1,5 hours to the garage, wait there for 1 hour when the car was fixed, and then drive back. It has been raining all day, the weather has been stormy and I have been dreaming of a fireplace. I'd like to sit in front of it and read a book and enjoy the warmth.
Tomorrow, I am going to the theatre with husband. Lovely! We have so little time together, just the two of us. But it is possible to go out sometimes, without the kids, for a few hours. Providing we call home every now and then and chech the blood sugar of our daughter.
A friend of mine had got a virus location put in his chat window - the one where you choose him to receive your IM. I deleted that one and added him again. Just wonder what kind of notes he will get now! I sent an email to him telling what had happened.
The weather affects me so much that I had to change to warm and soft clothes, in addition to wearing those warming gloves. ANd woollen socks but I wear them always, also in the summer. And when we travel south, I still wear them - the floors there are cold!
Now, the Bible reading. Tomorrow I'll go to the district nurse for my 50-year health control.
I also went to pool gym which was well done and I am proud of myself. Heard that I have still 8 times already paid for. Even better.
Then I took a few of my brother's "better" clothes to the laundry. They were very dirty after the fire but perhaps, if they can get cleaned, my son can use them and we don't have to invest a fortune in his suit, for example. He now wears his father's wedding suit, which is pretty well his size.
Then I ALSO went to a shop which sells all kinds of medical accessories - eye glasses and much more. I bought a pair of merino- wool gloves that only have half of the fingers part. I am wearing them even now. What is so bad is that I know I have a pair already but I don't know where it is and I have not found it. But it is autumn now and I need them, I am starting to feel sooooooo cold again.
AND still I went to haunt for the "perfect" Bible. It should be like my old ones are, but the newer translation. It should also have space to write notes on beside the text. And I thought I'd find one in the biggest book store in town. But I did not. I got the new translation though. I think I must order one from an association which prints Bibles. I am a member so I can get discount, even. And they are making that kind of Bibles I like to use.
AND I went to the pharmacy to get medication for my blood problem - which seems to be getting better. Only my medication had got old and I had not used it since - now I bought replacement because the product I have been using is no more sold.
All that meant really a lot of walking, according to my standards - and then I was still in a hurry to go to an info to the personnel. We were told we will all l be needed in the future too, whatever the future will be.
I was achy as I don't know what after all that rushing and walking around in the town but I was so proud of myself for finally accomplishing what I have had in mind for weeks. I have had those stinky clothes from the fire in my car for weeks and weeks, waiting for me to take them to the laundry - now they don't stink there any more.
Today, my husband had his car repair work finished, which took him several hours as he had to drive 1,5 hours to the garage, wait there for 1 hour when the car was fixed, and then drive back. It has been raining all day, the weather has been stormy and I have been dreaming of a fireplace. I'd like to sit in front of it and read a book and enjoy the warmth.
Tomorrow, I am going to the theatre with husband. Lovely! We have so little time together, just the two of us. But it is possible to go out sometimes, without the kids, for a few hours. Providing we call home every now and then and chech the blood sugar of our daughter.
A friend of mine had got a virus location put in his chat window - the one where you choose him to receive your IM. I deleted that one and added him again. Just wonder what kind of notes he will get now! I sent an email to him telling what had happened.
The weather affects me so much that I had to change to warm and soft clothes, in addition to wearing those warming gloves. ANd woollen socks but I wear them always, also in the summer. And when we travel south, I still wear them - the floors there are cold!
Now, the Bible reading. Tomorrow I'll go to the district nurse for my 50-year health control.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
School photo, pulled-out-teeth
The younger girl had school photo today. She had wanted to go and buy new clothes for the photo, and we did so on Saturday. She is happy of the clothes. Then her hair had to be combed too. I fixed it with loads of hair spray so it would hold. She almost got late to school because she had taken so much time to dress up. I told her NOT to play basket-ball before school photo - she'd ruin her hair setting and perhaps clothes too - so when she came home and did not attend her art class because she had hurt her foot she emphasized that it had happened AFTER the school foto. As if it would have been the most important part of it.
The older girl had dentist early in the morning. Two of her teeth were pulled out so that the others will have space to grow. Her father brought her home. After a while she asked if I could drive her to school. I asked if she was sure, but she said she was. After a couple of hours at school she felt like fainting and wanted to come back home so I went to get her home. Fainty feeling went as the medication stopped functioning, now she feels pretty normal again, some soreness though in the mouth.
It is never dull in a family... not the least possibility to get bored! :)
The older girl had dentist early in the morning. Two of her teeth were pulled out so that the others will have space to grow. Her father brought her home. After a while she asked if I could drive her to school. I asked if she was sure, but she said she was. After a couple of hours at school she felt like fainting and wanted to come back home so I went to get her home. Fainty feeling went as the medication stopped functioning, now she feels pretty normal again, some soreness though in the mouth.
It is never dull in a family... not the least possibility to get bored! :)
Unbearbale
This ugly pain is tearing me apart. It seems to be a time of repeated attacks that just get more and more unbearable. I lay down in bed, wrapped in warm, soft clothes and a warm blanket, and the only thing I do is breathe, very carefully - I try not to move a finger so that the pain, the really ugly one, would not realize I am there... of course then there is asthma which forces me to stand up from there and then - all my joints are squeezed and twisted, all my muscles are attacked with nail-filled exploding little suns... Felt awful enough today when I have work but cannot go there... will it be repeated tomorrow? I don't want it.
Today, I still had the strength to say I am fine though achy... but I knew I was on the brink... somewhere near was depression, and still is. I would like to be brave enough though.
Today, I still had the strength to say I am fine though achy... but I knew I was on the brink... somewhere near was depression, and still is. I would like to be brave enough though.
Last night, this morning
Last night was a nightmare. My brain stopped working some time during the evening and I forgot to take my Lyrica. My pains have been so immense that my doctor has raised the dose I take to maximum. When I went in bed at night it started - a tear-apart pain which started to crawl everywhere in me. Already when it started I wondered how it has been påossible that I have lived with that kind of a really disturbing pain so that it has not killed me. It has been close enough sometimes but I am still alive. No wonder it has affected my mood and everything so that when I had started using Lyrica and at first all the pain went away a friend of mine said that he does not know what to say to me when I feel fine - he only knows what to say when I don't. Because I had never really felt fine during the past years.
When I had spent enough time on my own and my brain had got some rest it started to work again and I figured out what was happening. Usual pain killers - pretty heavy stuff those ones I call "usual" - cannot take away the pain at all. I had taken those. They work with Lyrica, some, but nothing at all without it. I went downstairs and took the Lyrica - it was in a place where I knew I had not taken it from so I was sure I was not double-dosing. After a while of painful moments in bed I finally caught the sleep - at about half past two or so. My husband was awake every five minutes till one o'clock when it was the last scheduled time to measure our daughter's blood sugar. Though I did both of the measurings! After one o'clock he fell asleep and slept till seven. Not enough at all! I mad him promise he'd control his blood sugar today, before lunch, and two hours after it. That unintended weight loss can be a symptom of diabetes. I want to make sure.
When I had spent enough time on my own and my brain had got some rest it started to work again and I figured out what was happening. Usual pain killers - pretty heavy stuff those ones I call "usual" - cannot take away the pain at all. I had taken those. They work with Lyrica, some, but nothing at all without it. I went downstairs and took the Lyrica - it was in a place where I knew I had not taken it from so I was sure I was not double-dosing. After a while of painful moments in bed I finally caught the sleep - at about half past two or so. My husband was awake every five minutes till one o'clock when it was the last scheduled time to measure our daughter's blood sugar. Though I did both of the measurings! After one o'clock he fell asleep and slept till seven. Not enough at all! I mad him promise he'd control his blood sugar today, before lunch, and two hours after it. That unintended weight loss can be a symptom of diabetes. I want to make sure.
Wooow, a friend is painting!
Must tell something that feels just wonderful! My friend - the one who listened to my grumbling about the magazine - woow he is amazing! Yesterday I wittnessed an incredible all-golden sunrise when driving to work. I stopped and took photos, and mailed him when I got to work. In the evening he said he had been copying them. I did not pay attention - he may copy if he likes, I thought. Today he said he had had a day off and he had taken advantage of it and PAINTED one of those photos (on canvas I suppose), and he said it had felt good. Well I know how it can feel, I suppose, because it has just happened to me and my writing! I am so happy for him! I know he can paint but that he actually does.... wooooooow GREAT!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Colors again - and poems too!
I feel so happy! Somehow .... it is starting to feel somewhat more good than bad, and even a great deal of the time. I have in another blog written about my bother's death. It is still shown in my daily life and it will be so... I think I will never get used to it ... but perhaps I will learn to live with it.
I had been writing poems, earlier... much earlier. Then somehow I just did not write any more. I cannot tell why, but I just wrote what I got paid for. I remember I had a crisis with the home town magazine last year, I am chief-editing it and also write articles to it. There was some sort of crisis and I was afraid I would not get it done by any means. I got wonderful support from my friend who invested a lot of his time listening to me and discussing with me about what was difficult or felt overwhelming in each stadium of the work... and we got it done. Later, when I got paid for it, it did not feel right to keep the entire salary so I wanted to share it with him. I hope God blessed what I did.
But poems, or stories... I did not write at all. Now, when my brother died, I also felt that I lacked words entirely. With FM attacks it happened that I did not have words to tell how I feel or what was going on or what was wrong. It can still happen and it often happens in combination with those attacks. But now it also happened otherwise.
Now I have written poems again. It feels huge. I was writing the entire day yesterday and I felt really good and great and everything... it made me happy... really...
they were not perfect and nothing like that but they were poems... it was a start anyway... also I had started to wear colors on Friday. That felt really wonderful too! After my brother's death, I had been wearing black from tip to toe, and it started to feel suffocating. I was wearing an indian-style poncho, colorful so it made me happy really... and it felt like being able to breathe again, I even wore purple tights.... :D Today, that poncho again, but those tights I had thrown, they were squeezing in the feet part. But oh so happy I was about the colors again!
It may very well be that there are better days and worse days, about how I feel and about my ability to write - but I am not going to worry about that. Things feel good now so I am happy now - what tomorrow will bring will be that day's trouble.
I am worried though, about my husband. He had an infection and although it was treated he has not receovered. He tries to look as usual but I can see through him, and I am worried. He has been putting off weight which is good of course but it has happened all by itself and that is worrying. He has somehow lost his apetite - not good. He sleeps too little - even worse. It can be burn-out too, or stress if it is milder... an overwhelming work load and now all the sorrow we have had, and then all the worries all this has brought, economically and otherwise. Like I said in the other blog, our lives have not been the same after my brother's death - so many things have changed. We have also been forced to do more than before, accomplish more, even physically. He has taken care of the kids alone while I have been to the East to take care of mother, and my brother's things. It is not easy while one has to wake up at nights too to measure one of the girls' blood sugar - she is a diabetic like I have told earlier. He has done everything, all this and lots more, and not grumbled at all. A friend of mine called him saint. Well I think that is close enough! So I am really worried of him. He has not been doing proper shopping anymore - so I went shopping and now we have the things we need - otherwise we'd have run out of toilet paper for example. And bread. And cheese. And so on. I try to do more but then although I feel well and happy and strong so there are limits to what I can take too. Today I was really finished after work, driving the distance, purchasing diesel to the car, shopping, taking care of kid's homework... my brain stopped working.
Now I have put all the family to sleep and as also my husband is already asleep, I can go to sleep myself too. Yesterday he wanted me to come to sleep with him - but then he did not sleep! :D
I had been writing poems, earlier... much earlier. Then somehow I just did not write any more. I cannot tell why, but I just wrote what I got paid for. I remember I had a crisis with the home town magazine last year, I am chief-editing it and also write articles to it. There was some sort of crisis and I was afraid I would not get it done by any means. I got wonderful support from my friend who invested a lot of his time listening to me and discussing with me about what was difficult or felt overwhelming in each stadium of the work... and we got it done. Later, when I got paid for it, it did not feel right to keep the entire salary so I wanted to share it with him. I hope God blessed what I did.
But poems, or stories... I did not write at all. Now, when my brother died, I also felt that I lacked words entirely. With FM attacks it happened that I did not have words to tell how I feel or what was going on or what was wrong. It can still happen and it often happens in combination with those attacks. But now it also happened otherwise.
Now I have written poems again. It feels huge. I was writing the entire day yesterday and I felt really good and great and everything... it made me happy... really...
they were not perfect and nothing like that but they were poems... it was a start anyway... also I had started to wear colors on Friday. That felt really wonderful too! After my brother's death, I had been wearing black from tip to toe, and it started to feel suffocating. I was wearing an indian-style poncho, colorful so it made me happy really... and it felt like being able to breathe again, I even wore purple tights.... :D Today, that poncho again, but those tights I had thrown, they were squeezing in the feet part. But oh so happy I was about the colors again!
It may very well be that there are better days and worse days, about how I feel and about my ability to write - but I am not going to worry about that. Things feel good now so I am happy now - what tomorrow will bring will be that day's trouble.
I am worried though, about my husband. He had an infection and although it was treated he has not receovered. He tries to look as usual but I can see through him, and I am worried. He has been putting off weight which is good of course but it has happened all by itself and that is worrying. He has somehow lost his apetite - not good. He sleeps too little - even worse. It can be burn-out too, or stress if it is milder... an overwhelming work load and now all the sorrow we have had, and then all the worries all this has brought, economically and otherwise. Like I said in the other blog, our lives have not been the same after my brother's death - so many things have changed. We have also been forced to do more than before, accomplish more, even physically. He has taken care of the kids alone while I have been to the East to take care of mother, and my brother's things. It is not easy while one has to wake up at nights too to measure one of the girls' blood sugar - she is a diabetic like I have told earlier. He has done everything, all this and lots more, and not grumbled at all. A friend of mine called him saint. Well I think that is close enough! So I am really worried of him. He has not been doing proper shopping anymore - so I went shopping and now we have the things we need - otherwise we'd have run out of toilet paper for example. And bread. And cheese. And so on. I try to do more but then although I feel well and happy and strong so there are limits to what I can take too. Today I was really finished after work, driving the distance, purchasing diesel to the car, shopping, taking care of kid's homework... my brain stopped working.
Now I have put all the family to sleep and as also my husband is already asleep, I can go to sleep myself too. Yesterday he wanted me to come to sleep with him - but then he did not sleep! :D
Friday, October 10, 2008
The Nobel Peace Prize for 2008 to Martti Ahtisaari, the Former Finnish President!
Announcement
The Norwegian Nobel Committee
The Nobel Peace Prize for 2008
The Norwegian Nobel Committee has decided to award the Nobel Peace Prize for 2008 to Martti Ahtisaari for his important efforts, on several continents and over more than three decades, to resolve international conflicts. These efforts have contributed to a more peaceful world and to "fraternity between nations" in Alfred Nobel’s spirit.
Throughout all his adult life, whether as a senior Finnish public servant and President or in an international capacity, often connected to the United Nations, Ahtisaari has worked for peace and reconciliation. For the past twenty years, he has figured prominently in endeavours to resolve several serious and long-lasting conflicts. In 1989-90 he played a significant part in the establishment of Namibia’s independence; in 2005 he and his organization Crisis Management Initiative (CMI) were central to the solution of the complicated Aceh question in Indonesia. In 1999 and again in 2005-07, he sought under especially difficult circumstances to find a solution to the conflict in Kosovo. In 2008, through the CMI and in cooperation with other institutions, Ahtisaari has tried to help find a peaceful conclusion to the problems in Iraq. He has also made constructive contributions to the resolution of conflicts in Northern Ireland, in Central Asia, and on the Horn of Africa.
Although the parties themselves have the main responsibility for avoiding war and conflict, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has on several occasions awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to mediators in international politics. Today Ahtisaari is an outstanding international mediator. Through his untiring efforts and good results, he has shown what role mediation of various kinds can play in the resolution of international conflicts. The Norwegian Nobel Committee wishes to express the hope that others may be inspired by his efforts and his achievements.
Oslo, 10 October 2008
The Norwegian Nobel Committee
The Nobel Peace Prize for 2008
The Norwegian Nobel Committee has decided to award the Nobel Peace Prize for 2008 to Martti Ahtisaari for his important efforts, on several continents and over more than three decades, to resolve international conflicts. These efforts have contributed to a more peaceful world and to "fraternity between nations" in Alfred Nobel’s spirit.
Throughout all his adult life, whether as a senior Finnish public servant and President or in an international capacity, often connected to the United Nations, Ahtisaari has worked for peace and reconciliation. For the past twenty years, he has figured prominently in endeavours to resolve several serious and long-lasting conflicts. In 1989-90 he played a significant part in the establishment of Namibia’s independence; in 2005 he and his organization Crisis Management Initiative (CMI) were central to the solution of the complicated Aceh question in Indonesia. In 1999 and again in 2005-07, he sought under especially difficult circumstances to find a solution to the conflict in Kosovo. In 2008, through the CMI and in cooperation with other institutions, Ahtisaari has tried to help find a peaceful conclusion to the problems in Iraq. He has also made constructive contributions to the resolution of conflicts in Northern Ireland, in Central Asia, and on the Horn of Africa.
Although the parties themselves have the main responsibility for avoiding war and conflict, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has on several occasions awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to mediators in international politics. Today Ahtisaari is an outstanding international mediator. Through his untiring efforts and good results, he has shown what role mediation of various kinds can play in the resolution of international conflicts. The Norwegian Nobel Committee wishes to express the hope that others may be inspired by his efforts and his achievements.
Oslo, 10 October 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)