Unbearbale

This ugly pain is tearing me apart. It seems to be a time of repeated attacks that just get more and more unbearable. I lay down in bed, wrapped in warm, soft clothes and a warm blanket, and the only thing I do is breathe, very carefully - I try not to move a finger so that the pain, the really ugly one, would not realize I am there... of course then there is asthma which forces me to stand up from there and then - all my joints are squeezed and twisted, all my muscles are attacked with nail-filled exploding little suns... Felt awful enough today when I have work but cannot go there... will it be repeated tomorrow? I don't want it.

Today, I still had the strength to say I am fine though achy... but I knew I was on the brink... somewhere near was depression, and still is. I would like to be brave enough though.